There is some old
saying about good things being worth
waiting for. I have no idea what
that has to do with anything but I
have finally gotten around to trying
to recap the fun and frolic that was
LPLT 2007, our 30th Anniversary.
The cast of characters was a
familiar one, from the DC (Durango
Contingent): Deadeye, Stink,
Freebie, Wallstreet, Jake, and
Luther, and from the GLC (Great
Lakes Contingent): Buckwheat, Banjo,
Flagman, and Knocker (back for a 2nd
year in a row). So without further
ado, her 'tis . . . 2007 LPLT - An
Epilogue:
Saturday,
April 14, 2007
We thought it would
never arrive but the day to depart
for "or-dare" has finally come . . .
and none too soon for Flagman, who
decided to grow a boulder in his pee
pee canal just a few days ago.
Banjo was up at 4:22am, for a 3pm
flight, just so he wouldn't be late
(later he admitted that he went to
the office because he knew he was
going to have withdrawals from
missing work the next week). He
picked up the Fagpole who promptly
grossed him out thoroughly by
showing him the boulder he had
pissed out at 12:22am and then
popped it in his mouth and ate it
(actually it was a raisin he ate)
but it did provide some comedy and
great relief for the Pole. The 3 of
us then departed for the airport,
minus the Doo, who is MIA again but
promises that he will make the 2008
trip cause he will either have his
business fixed or there will be no
business to worry about. We will
see what we shall see. We arrive at
the airport, do the check-in and
security b/s and find the nearest
watering hole, which happens to be
very near a TV featuring the
defending American League Champion,
Deeeetroit Tigers. Buckwheat
instructs the Bar Wench on the fine
art of Buckwheat making and promises
her that it will soon be their best
selling cocktail (which, for about 3
rounds it indeed was). It comes
time to get on the plane and we had
just gotten a new round. Buck tells
the boys to grab their drinks and
let's board (Now, this is the part
that pissed me off!!!!!) It seems
that only Buckwheat and Banjo are
smart enough to discreetly palm
their drinks in their free hand,
present their boarding passes with
the other and proceed down the
jetway. We are about 6 inches from
stepping on the plane when we hear a
gate agent come running down the
jetway yelling, "don't let those
guys on, they have alcohol". It
seems our boy, the Pole (who's the
Polish person now?) presents his
boarding pass with the same
hand that's also slurping his 20 oz
cerveza. When advised that he
couldn't board the plane with
alcohol, he rats out his two buddies
by inquiring as to why they had
allowed us on. So, we now have to
make the Walk of Shame past all the
other jetway passengers who are
laughing their asses off and
questioning our choice in friends.
We finally take off and make the
Rotund one with the sore peepee buy
the drinks to get us to Denver. We
manage to find a Cantina and mucho
frio cerveza just before passing out
from thirst. We actually make it to
Durango 20 minutes early and, (thank
you, Jesus), Jimmy "Deadeye,
Moreforehead" Morehart, is there to
meet us with just enough Buckwheat
fixins to get us to es su casa at
8:45pm. Naturally Sunni, who is
recovering from knee surgery, is
thrilled to see us and goes directly
to bed.
Sunday,
April 15, 2007
Tax day dawns in
Durango but the boys are up at 5am
to drink coffee and play with the
only females in the house who are
actually glad to see us: Blanca,
Greasy, and Grande, the 3 Moreharts
kitty cats. We take off soon after
daylight for the bakery to see Jeffi
and get some goodies and then on to
the campground to see Jamie and
Eric. We stop at the City Market
for groceries for the evening and
then on to Farmington to buy bulk
items at Sam's Club. We get back to
Deadeye's after a perfectly
wonderful Green Chili Cheeseburger
at Blake's and watch the Wings win
3-1. Deadeye puts on his pink
spandex shorts and goes for a 100
mile bike ride. Buckwheat is
entrusted to begin preparing
Morehart's outstanding green chili
and beef stew. Jeffi, Jen, and
Jamie come for dinner and Banjo goes
into a coma at 8pm.
Monday,
April 16, 2007
Still on EDT, the
boys are up at 4:45am and, after
coffee and breakfast, off to the
dealership to check LPLT inventory,
then off to the Bakery for more
goodies. We may have to take an
extra vehicle just for the stuff
that Jeffi has provided. Next stop
is Wal-Mart for various supplies,
including a new boom box to replace
the one with 50 lbs and 30 years of
red dust in it, and a new printer
for Sunni. We drop Banjo off at
Max's office so he can give him the
rest of his money and Deadeye, Pole,
and Buckwheat drive up to Lemon Dam
to surely what must be Stinky and
Freebie's secret house and pick up
Stink's boat. We all rendezvous at
Gaspacho's for lunch and are joined
by Luther and Denny, just in from
Denver and The Counselor, David
Smith. Following a fabulous lunch,
Lee Goddard proves once again to be
the most trusting soul on the planet
by letting us borrow his bass boat.
Off to the Liquor store for beer,
wine for Sunni, and port for the DC,
courtesy of the GLC, just to say a
special thanks for them once again
volunteering to chip in $12 each for
the community vodka. We then head
to the grocery store where it seems
we get less for more $$$ each year.
Back to the dealership, drink a few
beers, load the boats and promise
to meet at 6am. Back to Gaspacho's
for carryout (once a day ain't never
enough). Sunni loves the printer
but not enough to agree to another
fire in the chimenea again this
year. Banjo performs lots of
maintenance on her computer and we
all hit the rack by 10pm. Only one
more sleep till LPLT 2007!!!
Tuesday,
April 17, 2007
The day we have
waited for is finally here. Up at
4am and out the door at 5:25. At
the dealership at 5:56 and even
Wallstreet shows up on time this
year. Boats hooked up and "wheels
up" at 6:10am. One of the great
traditions continues with popping of
the first cold one at the Lewis
turnoff. Breakfast once again at
the "Lunch Box" in Dove Creek.
Wallstreet is irate that the new
menu doesn't include huevos
rancheros . . . and even more pissed
when we drive by Connie's Blue
Mountain Cafe to find it reopened
this year. Called and left a
message for the Doo. He
conveniently ducked our call once
again. Flagman actually claimed he
could see the horse's head this
year. However, when he mentioned
that he thought he counted 8 points
we had our doubts. Gassed up in
Blanding at a new place this year.
They didn't think we were any
funnier than the old place. Another
great tradition with playing of The
Electric Horseman at the 74 mile
turnoff. Another tradition with
piss and picture at the 47 mile
turnoff. Big water seen first at
straight up Noon. Took 2 hours to
get the houseboat from Bullfrog but
OK as a beautiful sunny, warm day.
Stink and Freebie fish all the way
down the lake. Parked in Cave
Canyon again but on a long open
shore and not in a 35 foot wide
canyon with a 30 foot wide boat.
Began to fix dinner and realized a
tragedy of monumental proportions
had occurred Jim Morehart had
forgotten the Buckloins, and Red
Chili, and Freebie the Beans, and
Green Chili. Freebie blamed Stink
for that, once and for all proving
that they are indeed living together
(although there is some question
about their Life Partner status??)
Improvised on the burgers and no one
went hungry. Buckwheats and Single
Malt Scotch are going quickly. One
quick shot of port each and we
barely make dark before it's bedtime
at 8:30. A beautiful night with
bagillions of stars (we should have
known what was to come). Amazingly
Wallstreet hasn't taken a shower yet
and Jake has spoken only in English.
Wednesday,
April 18, 2007
Up at 6am and Luther
makes a pot of coffee strong enough
create mild cavitations at the Glen
Canyon Dam. Another tradition is
perfected with liberal quantities of
Bailey's in the coffee. Nice call
Luther!!! The Crumb cake from "Jeffi's
Bread" is a HUGE hit!! Fishing by
7:30am. Fishing is decent but not
great. Pole lands a very nice
Walleye. Banjo not drinking . . .
says his Esophagus is on fire . . .
we say his pussy is broke. She's a
bit windy by 10am but we manage to
enjoy a terrific omelet with
traditional Chili Verde (fortunately
Deadeye did remember it). By 11am
it's a gale force. We tighten all
ropes a couple times and try to
drive the houseboat further up on
the shore. By 2pm it's brutally
miserable . . . we estimate gusts
over 60-70 mph. Fortunately we tie
Jake's biggest rope on left front of
houseboat as wind is from
northwest. Everyone is hibernated
inside listening to Roy D. "By God"
Mercer, except Fagpole who is
fishing off the back of the
houseboat, drinking skank beer and
oblivious to Category 5 winds.
Around 3pm a gust literally blows
the entire houseboat 15 feet to the
right. Some fear it's going over on
it's side and, had we not tied
Jake's big rope on and parked about
15 feet to the left of a huge rock
just under water, we probably would
have found ourselves on the rocks on
the other side of the cove. Flagman
is oblivious to the whole thing but
says he enjoyed the brief boat
ride. The ropes are now tighter
than guitar strings. Around 5pm
worst of the wind begins to lay down
but we still have to bring Luther's
grill inside to cook the chicken Ore
House. It is definitely not the
same without Red Chili (thanks
again, Moreforehead). Flagman is
last one eating AGAIN!! First
bottle of port goes bye bye and
Stardust plays twice.
Thursday,
April 19, 2007
Up at 6:30. She was
a cold one last night but Flagman
still bounced snores off every
canyon wall in southeast Utah.
Pastries are outstanding and we
didn't even have to worry about
Wallstreet forgetting the cinnamon
rolls. Fishing by 7:45 and catch
lots of Stripers. In by 11:15 for
Grace's incredible Breakfast
Burritos. Thank God Jake didn't
forget her green chili. Nice day
and the naps are excellent. Deadeye
organizes a fishing tournament.
Teams are: Banjo, Buck, and Pole;
Jake, Deadeye, and Wallstreet;
Stink, Luther, Freebie, and
Knocker. When asked what the prize
would be, Deadeye responded that it
depended on how his team did. We
began at 3:20 and had to be back in
at 5:30. The final results were
that Jake's team landed 13 fish,
Stink's boat had 14, and Captain
Banjo's winning vessel totaled 19.
Hooray for Team Banjo. And, let the
record show that we never did find
out what the prize was (unles s Dead
eye dispensed some secret favors on
top of the houseboat that night).
We had Stink's Posole for dinner and
it was outstanding (thank God he
didn't forget anything either). Roy
D. "By God" Mercer provided dinner
entertainment and was voted "Guest
of the Year". Following dinner,
Deadeye insisted that we turn out
all lights and power at 9pm. We
reconvened to the shore line, under
a beautiful crescent moon, where we
drank a full bottle of port. Jake
somehow managed to get over served,
spilled the chocolates, and spoke in
those tongues that only he fully
understands. Buck told the Hair Lip
and Bus Driver jokes and we were
back inside the boat by 9:30. All
went directly to bed except Flagman
who stayed up by himself listening
to the Wings game. Beautiful night
but plenty chilly. Stars unreal!!
Friday,
April 20, 2007
Up at 6:30 only to
discover that Luther had forgotten
to make the coffee. He receives
severe reprimands. Out fishing by
8am. Everyone caught lots of
stripers. Everyone in for the last
of the Bloody Mary's. It's a
terrible thing to run out of
anything but unforgivable to run out
of Bloody Mary's, especially given
Freebie's precise measurements.
Some concern over the biscuits since
the Electric refrigerators sucked.
The freezers didn't work since day 1
and the biscuit dough was a soggy
mess. Despite that, Stink did a
great glove save on the biscuits.
Buck made enough gravy for a
hundred. Flagman is last one done
eating. Now we discover we're out
of cocktail ice and since we have
enough Buckwheat fixins left for one
more night, Jake, Banjo, and Buck
make a run to Hall's for 10 bags of
ice. Max takes Pole, Wallstreet,
and Freebie to the end of Slick
Rock. Wallstreet catches 4
different species of fish all on a
yellow jig. He wears out Stink's
net, which is made of solid silver
but now has a very large hole.
We're in at 6:00 as the wind is
starting to blow again. Max fries
fish outside and they are wonderful,
even if they do taste like fish.
Jake, with some help from Buck and
the Pole makes a world class tartar
sauce. We break the seal on the 5th
half gallon of vodka and finish the
3rd bottle of port. All to bed by
9:30. It's so windy on top that
even the Pole can't snore more than
about 3 rips at a time.
Saturday,
April 21, 2007
We're up at 5:50.
It's still plenty windy and overcast
but no rain yet. We break camp and
get all small boats tied off and up
the lake by 7:45. The next two
hours are packing time, cleanup,
sandwich making and finishing off
Grace's breakfast burritos. We get
back to Hall's at 9:45. Get
houseboat returned, packed up, and
mucho cerveza drinking and peanut
eating for next 2 hours. Depart at
Noon for the worst drive in
history. Why is it always so damn
much further and boring going home
than coming?? Uneventful drive
home, snow on top of Cedar Gulch.
Morehart almost falls asleep between
Blanding and Monticello and Banjo
relief drives. Stop in Dove Creek
for gas and Banjo passes gas in the
Avalanche. We arrive in Durango at
4:20 only to discover that Luther's
truck is locked and the key fob
won't open it. Call OnStar to no
avail and finally call a locksmith.
Morehart, Knocker, and Luther wait
for him and everyone else departs at
5:30. Locksmith arrives and gets
door open without further incident
allowing Knocker and Luther to
depart for their annual shack-up at
Luther' cabin. The Moreharts and 3
Amigos have dinner at Kennebeck's
then lights out at 10pm. We're up
at 4:15, to the airport by 6. No
problems with flight and back to
Detroit by 5pm. Home sweet home by
7:00.
2007 LPLT Epilogue
Summary, Observations, and Lessons
Learned
We need better lists and more
follow-up to make sure we don't
forget essentials like Buck Loins,
Red Sauce, Green Chili, Beans, etc,
etc. This is ESSENTIAL!!!!!!
We need to schedule a
party at Max and Freebie's House
Let the Pole begin meals 30 minutes
early so he can finish with everyone
else
The all-electric houseboat sucks,
especially when the refrigerator
doesn't work!!
When Wallstreet cuts back to 1
shower a day the gray water problem
goes away
We need more Cocktail Ice and Bloody
Mary Mix (Running out of either is
worse than pissin on a Policeman's
leg)
Chicken Ore House and Stuffed
Burgers are not the same without red
chili but, then again, your ass
doesn't burn nearly as bad the rest
of the trip
Sand in sleeping bags is BAD!!
Have Wally bring his own fishing net
so he can break it and not Stinky's
Let Jake create more recipes and
make sure he recreates the Tartar
Sauce, especially if all the Doo can
eat is fish and veggies and tofu
5 1/2 gallons of Vodka and 3 bottles
of Port is a Good Start. Need more
Single Malt Scotch
Luther does a great job on the
coffee, when he does it. Bailey's
in coffee real good.
Luther pledges to lose 50 more lbs,
should be nothing more than a shadow
in 2008
Fishing was great in 2007 but too
many Stripers
Didn't make hike to the arch and
didn't miss it
Jake's ropes and bumpers were a Life
Saver!!!! Thanks Jake
Use the Houseboat radio to call in
houseboat problems like the
refrigerator
Remind Luther to bring an extra set
of keys or pay for OnStar
Jeffi's pastries were a huge hit,
much better than cinnamon rolls.
However, we've got to do a better
job of keeping the Cibata rolls and
other bread items fresh. Perhaps we
need to bag and freeze, assuming we
have a freezer that works
We need to get the Doo and the Deuce
back, even if they are shitty
fishermen and one of them has
reportedly given up eating and
drinking like a real man. Why, for
God's sake would one do that???
Can cut back a wee bit on tonic
water and frozen potatoes
Get more fresh lemons for fish and
tartar sauce
Get stuff for Buck's green sauce and
new tomato, jalapeno salsa
Same week in 2008 for Stink's son's
graduation
Both XM Radio and Roy D. were huge
hits
That's everything
that was in the notes. Hopefully
Banjo can find the grocery list
(breaking news, the list was
re-discovered 2/24/08) and Buck can
remember the changes he wanted to
make on the format. Other than
that, we must all constantly remind
ourselves how incredibly lucky we
are to have found each other and
created something that we all love
to do so much. We desperately
miss those who have gone before us
and, despite our none-too-subtle
aging, we continue to, year after
year, renew old friendships and old
traditions, laugh at the same
things, repeat stupid mistakes, eat
and drink too much and take along
too much shit every year despite
pledges to cut back, marvel at
the awesome beauty that is Lake
Powell America, and realize how
incredibly lucky we are that we have
our health, our happiness, and
life-long friendships and that we
are able to make new memories every
year. May God continue to bless
each of us and families forever.
Love, Buck
P.
S. GO
WINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
