Saturday, April 24, 2010
With the ?sleep? count at 3 before the day
finally arrives for 2010, the day is also finally here to depart
from the doldrums of Michigan for God?s Country. Not that he?s
excited or anything but Buck awakens at 2:49am, 4:20 am, and for
good at 6:15. At this point Ginners is even more excited for him to
go than he is. After a morning of final packing, online check-in,
trip to the bank, and one last heavy dose of corn starch, it is time
to depart for the airport. Buck and Ginners pick up Banjo at 12:15
and Flagman at 12:30 and head for the airport. We arrive at 1:45
and check our bags. We then discover that our resident engineer has
decided to check two small bags (for $55), rather than one large one
(for $23). I wonder how much data we?re gonna have to provide for
the analysis of that strategy in the future? We make it through
security and stop at Champp?s Sports Bar. Buck orders a
scotch/water, Pole a Sam Adams, and Banjo opts for a . . . .water,
yes, he said water. We then launch into a thorough discussion of
the NFL Draft, IPA, hockey, IPA, Banjo?s funk, IPA, boobs, IPA,
baseball, IPA, and did I mention IPA? We then discover that worse
than not drinking, Banjo is actually working. He finally returns
and announces that he?s officially done working, but refuses to turn
off his phone. Pole and Buck protest by drinking some more. We
then head on to the gate and during the TSA random screening, Banjo
offers up to no one in particular that it?s always best to put the
bomb on the top so they don?t have to look too far for it. Don?t
think they appreciated his humor but that?s OK, he wasn?t too
partial to them either. We are on a small Regional jet with a drop
dead gorgeous blond Flight Attendant but with a very bad attitude.
Doesn?t look like Buck is gonna get to help serve drinks on this
flight. Pole manages to run off his seat mate even before we
depart, with some lame ass excuse about having to ?go a lot? but
methinks he?s just an astute judge of character. As we look around,
we notice there are a ton of little munchkins on board . . . Banjo
may have to double up on the drugs. We depart about 30 min late for
a 2 ? hour flight. Banjo dives for the ear plugs early, especially
since there is a Dad and 2 young daughters right behind us. He?s
one of these assholes who have the unique ability to piss you off
just by breathing. He has the ?try to impress the entire plane with
my intellect? pedal all the way to the floor. Soon he launches into
song with one of the most irritating little ditties I?ve ever heard
. . . something about ?a hole in the bottom of the sea?. We quickly
discover this thing will last about as long as 99 bottles of beer on
the wall so me and Pole order doubles whilst Banjo (thankfully)
snoozes. After about an hour, and into our third drink and with
only about 14 bottles of beer still on the wall, Banjo awakens and
finally has a cocktail. We land in Denver (it?s a miracle there
wasn?t either a homicide or a suicide ? thank God for drugs and
earplugs) at 4:38 MDT. After a very uneventful time in Denver and a
very rough flight to Durango, Ole Deadeye meets us with cocktails
for the long trip to the Casa. We arrive around 9pm and Sunni Jane
is thrilled to see us (slight Editor Exaggeration). We dine on
Combo Burritos from Griegos, esta mucho bueno!!! We watch the Avs
lose 5-2 and get eliminated from the Playoffs so we won?t have to
listen to their sorry asses at the Lake this year. To bed at 10:30
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Up at 4am to piss and discover that Pole is a
bald face liar . . . he still snores like a polar bear in
hibernation (no Ed exaggeration). Get up for good at 6am for some
coffee and granola and wake the roomies up as they were apparently
planning on sleeping all day. Around 8:30 we head to Farmington.
We make our annual stop at Buck?s Pancake Alley where, once again,
we are the only Gringos in the joint for eggs and grease. Deadeye
orders a . . . are you ready for this . . . a Fruit Cup. I?m
surprised the waitress doesn?t make him show his ?I voted for Obama?
card but apparently she remembers him from last year. We venture on
to Sam?s Club to support all the manufacturing in China and Honduras
and head back to Deadeye?s to watch the Wings game and the Talladega
race. Deadeye pedals his stationary bike for several hours and
never moves an inch. He does, however, manage to sweat on
everything in the room and thoroughly wear my ass out!! It is also
observed that the earlier breakfast has managed to produce large
quantities of gaseous explosions. In fact, WayneO states that,
after 34 years, Buck?s asshole still has lips. Around mid afternoon
a major catastrophe occurs as the Pole farts, on or near, Sunni
Jane. This will undoubtedly be his last trip, or at least his last
stay at the Morehart Casa. The Wings lost 5-1 and it?s all the
Poles fault!!! We dine on a scrumptious dinner of steak, salad, and
polenta which, Banjo says, is a Spanish word for ?makes me fart?.
At least he has the decency to move away from Sunni. Watched the
Apprentice (for no apparent reason) and to bed at 10pm.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Up at 5am to make the coffee, and SSandS. Wake
the boys up at 5:35. Pole?s beauty sleep strategy is failing
miserably. At 7 bells we head to town. We drop Wayne off at the
Hospital off for Physical Therapy ? thank God his ticker is working
pretty good now. The 3 Amigos head to the Dealership to check the
inventory. We discover a partial bottle of Bailey?s and,
mercifully, put it out of it?s misery. We head to Wal-Mart to send
some additional support to Taiwan and El Salvador, then pick up
Deadeye at 9:15 and head back to the Dealership. We have to turn
around and go back to Wally World to get the grocery list that Pole
left in the shopping cart . . .first he farts on Sunni and then he
loses the grocery list . . . where, o where, is this boy?s cabeza
(don?t answer that). Deadeye showers and we head to the Bakery and
the Ohio St Liquor Store. Great to see Jeffi and to see how well
this enterprise is doing. Thank God I don?t have one of these near
me or I?d weigh as much as Luther!! On the way back we take a side
trip for a view of Lake Nighthorse (and recall the time the Doo saw
the U. S. Senator from Ignacio and asked if he?d ever heard of Fred
?Long Dick? Shuart). Back to the Dealership about the time Luther,
Ponch, and Knocker arrive from Denver and Wallstreet and this year?s
Rookie, Ray ?Reggae? Gates, arrive from Farmington. We head for the
annual treat of Gaspacho?s and Jake and Pat Murphy join us there.
It is MUCHO Bueno as always!! Back to the Dealership to kill some
time. Goddard delivers his boat to save us a trip to his house.
What a guy!! Reggae discovers some kind of trouble with his boat
and commences to get all ?assholes and elbows? working on it. It is
a fine looking vessel and I?m lovin the Baby Moon hubcaps on the
trailer. We head to the grocery store at 3pm. Always good to see
Mr. Whipple and even though he is retired he still gets us boxes for
our stuff. Back to the Dealership where Stink and Jake meet us with
their boats and we proceed to load all kinds of shit into them.
Freeb finally shows up and it is blatantly obvious he was not at the
barber shop. Apparently Ms Kathryn must have a thing for mullets.
Can?t say it does anything for the rest of us but, hey, whatever
floats his boat. As we dive head first into the community beer,
Wallstreet decides to drive Reggae?s boat around to the back door
and crashes the trailer into the corner of the dealership building.
The boat is reasonably OK despite a few new character marks but we
decide not to tell MoreForeHead or Paddy Wagon Murphy as they?d
probably want to sue. Reggae is, shall we say, miffed (no Ed
exaggeration). We manage to stay sober enough to head home for
dinner and an early bed time for the final ?sleep? of 2010.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
The big day has finally arrived and we?re all
up at 4am. Get all of our shit packed, even all the stuff out of
the fridge and freezer, and depart for the dealership at 5:14 and 34
degrees. We arrive at 5:34 and find Jake waiting for us. At 5:46
Wallstreet and Reggae arrive and we all observe that Reggae is doing
wonders with Wallstreet, all except for his driving ability.
Remarkably even Freeb, Luther and Ponch are on time. Apparently the
mullet is working. At 5:58, Mr. Whipple finally delivers Knocker.
At 6:01 we are rollin!! Another time honored tradition is renewed
as Buck has a powerful thirst attack right before the Lewis turnoff
so we are obliged to quench it with a cerveza. All is right with
the world!! At 7:35, we arrive at the Blue Mountain Caf?and Stink
presents Deadeye with a Flair Hair Cap (makes him look like Ian
Poulter for God?s sake). We make a serious tactical error in having
the Pole order last. In fact, when he finally finishes the Rook
observes, ?God Dam but you?re slow?. Think I?m gonna like this
guy!! We go to the Shell Station to gas up and Wallstreet damn near
wipes out Deadeye?s truck ? the boy?s on a roll. Leave Dove Creek
at 9am. There is a bad accident south of Monticello as a car has
hit a deer on the passenger side and an Ambulance and Sheriff are on
site. We stop at the Blanding Tin Bldg Piss Stop and start the
Electric Horseman . . . all is right with the world. Around Comb?s
Wash I decide that I?m having the best beer of my life (miss ya
Jasper). At Cedar Mesa its 58 degrees and blue skies. At 10:50 we
stop for our annual ?piss and picture? at the 46 mile turn off . . .
God but I love traditions. Banjo is drinking Virginia Slims beers
and we all are wondering if we?re gonna have to pull the string (Does
?Raking Popeye over the GasPipe? make any sense to anyone?). We
have some kind of goofy ass bet on the temp at the Lake and none of
us actually gives a rat?s ass. We arrive at 11:49am and it?s 70
degrees, blue skies, and breezy. We have to do something legal like
with something about Zebra Mussels. After launching the boats,
Stink, Knocker, and Wayne depart to get the Houseboat and the rest
of us do less than nothing. By 2:30 we?re all loaded up, small
boats tied on, and all ahead full down the lake. Along the way
Buckwheat?s flow liberally (thanks again DC boys for your unending
generosity) and Bruschetta gets made. At 5pm we send Banjo, Jake,
and Stink off on a scouting mission for a campsite. The wind is
picking up which is testing Capt Knocker?s phenomenal boat driving
skills. We wind up parking at the end of Cave Canyon with at least
a couple feet of room on both sides of the boat and we all enjoy
some Bruschetta while we unpack. Unfortunately Buck and Banjo
discover that they must have left the party favors at the
Dealership. Drat it all!! That pain is greatly diminished by some
exquisite 18 year old Famous Grouse, courtesy of our pal, Luther.
Thank you Luther!! We dine on a scrumptious menu of Green Chili
Cheeseburgers (Ponch you don?t know what your missin), Beans, and
Salad. XM is working great, thank you Jake and the installation
team. Wind continues to pick up. Luther and Stink are the first to
bed at 8:15 . . . that?s right 8:15MDT. Wings and Rockies win and
Tigers lose. At 9pm it?s lights out for the rest and the Pole
decides to play Willie but uses the wrong CD . . .guess he really is
a Pole!!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Happy Birthday, Buckwheat!! Luther up at 5:54
and fires up generator and coffee pot. We dine on wonderful Crumb
Cake, thanks again, Jeffi. The boys present Buck with a birthday
card and a very thoughtful gift, for which they have spared
virtually all expense. It seems that since such attention was
heaped upon the world?s ugliest footwear last year, namely Stink?s
butt ugly purple crocks, the boys thought Ole Buckeroo would like
some also and gift him a pair of baby blue Crocks (someone snuck in a
note in Buck?s book that they match his eyes and they really like em.
Whoever wrote that must be either shit faced or color blind as
Buck?s eyes are hazel in color). Buck graciously accepts the
wonderful and thoughtful birthday gift and wishes. At 8am Stink?s
boat departs with Deadeye and Knick. Banjo decides to stay in camp
and Buck and Pole decide to try their hand at Goddard?s boat . . .
how hard can it be?? Well the answer is . . . it?s a total Cluster
F#*K and they are back in camp by 9:15 to make Bloody Mary?s. Pole
catches a Crappie off the back of the houseboat and then loses his
bait on the next cast on a limb. It?s blue skies overhead and
breezy but, so far, nowhere near the predicted wind speed of 60mph.
By 11:30 all back in and Stink says the fishing is the best he?s
ever seen. Says he and Knock caught several 3-4 lb largemouth. For
some unexplained reason Deadeye was shutout . . . shame on those
boys for not sharing. All other boats report they caught fish.
Deadeye whips up a delicious chorizo omelet (who cares that he can?t
fish) and by 1:15 it?s naps all around except for the Pole who has
Goddard?s trolling motor torn apart. With him at warp speed we
reckon it?s no more than a 3, 4 day job. By 2:30 the wind has done
picked way the hell up and is now very near the prediction. At 3pm
one of the shore anchors is blown off . . . . did you catch that???
He said ?one of the shore anchors is blown off?. Say what????? We
retie on what is now a wet, but solid, anchor with Freeb
demonstrating the bowline knot . . . thank you Boy Scouts. Luther
and Deadeye launch into the Cribbage board . . . 15-2, 15-4, and a
knock is 42, and kiss my ass and a run is 97. At 4:30 Freeb, Stink,
and Knick brave the wind to fish but are back by 5:40 with a report
of one smallie only. Thus, the only thing to do is jump into the
booze and I have a question . . . where the hell did all the scotch
drinkers come from?? We may need to send Stink to town for more
Scotch. We dine on Chicken Orehouse (Ponch passes on both green and
red chili ? pussy) and listen to some Roy D ?By God? Mercer. Since
it?s still his birthday Buck dons the blue crocks for one picture
then shitcans em. All to bed by 9pm and by 10:30 the wind is, shall
we say, in full force.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Generator on at 5:43. Turns out that not only
did the wind blow but it rained some last night, causing many of the
upstairs boys to head for cover. However, Banjo, being the
enterprising young bon vivant that he is, looked around, saw the
large storage box that the lounge cushions are normally stored in,
and made a coffin/bed and got downright cozy for the night.
Wonderful snack of Blueberry muffins, thanks again, Jeffi, and what
the hell were we thinking all those years of eating canned cinnamon
rolls? It is very cold and breezy. Too cold to fish and Banjo is
so bored he takes a picture of . . . himself . . . damn shame we
didn?t get one of him laid out in the coffin. At 8:56 Banjo and
Stink head for Bullfrog to get ice since our fearless CEO WayneO
forgot to get enough of on Tuesday. They do manage to spot Ponch?s
red jacket in the lake that had departed him during the evening
breeze. Had to retie the Houseboat as it had moved about 5 feet
sideways during the breeze. By 9:02 suns out but still cold. At
9:49 boys are back with the ice and Stink takes Buck and Banjo out
fishing. Will miracles ever cease ? Buck catches a smallie. Max
catches a couple and Banjo catches himself. We actually have both
hail and sleet while fishing. Kinda pretty but mostly F*#ked up!!
Back in by Noon for Grace?s (God but we do love her) Breakfast
Burritos and Green Chili. By 1:10 pm it?s naps. Still cold and
breezy but Pole is still fishing off the back of the Houseboat and
attaching lots of plastic to the weeds (Editors note ? Did I tell you
that he actually fabricated a plastic piece and fixed Goddard?s
trolling motor ? guess the Engineering degree paid off after all ?
and, even more unbelievable, did all this in the same day . . . or
am I just making that shit up???). At 3:15 Stink offers to take
Pole and Freebie fishing. By 3:53 the Pole is finally ready and
Stink has turned almost the same color as his Crocks. Buck stays in
camp for a shower, makes some fresh salsa, and preps for dinner. By
5:50 all back in. Fishing reports are all decent and, reportedly,
the Rookie is slaying em with a Rattle Trap, at least that?s what
Wallstreet is reporting and we all know he is a man of the truth.
Stink reports he caught a bunch and his partners caught bushes (and
rocks). Pole shrugs that off by stating that he personally saved
the lives of hundreds of fish (sure missed that boy last year).
Wonderful dinner of Posole and beans and other tasty morsels and by
8:04 the first bottle of Port(20 Yr old Taylor Fladgate) comes out.
By 8:16 it?s gone and a 20 Yr Sandeman is the next victim. Reggae
proves he cannot only catch fish but swigs the last giant swallow of
Port. His performance leads to a motion, seconded and passed to
leave Ponch and Pole still on Rookie Probation . . . just because!!
By 8:42 Jake is speaking in tongues and all is right with the
world!! Wings lose 4-3 and all to bed by 9:30. Pretty night but
still cold. Pole can?t fix the boom box and Ponch is F*#ked up.
Friday, April 30, 2010
6am Generator on. Clear sky this am, and no
wind, but still cool. Everyone up early this am and all out fishing
by 7:30. Banjo and Wayne out with Stink. Buck and Luther with
Knock. Wallstreet and Pole with Reggae and Freeb and Ponch with
Jake. All in by Noon and all report catching fish. Stink says both
he and Deadeye caught Hog Largemouth. There were also reports that
our boy WayneO spilled a beer in Stinks boat then broke his
windshield and then Stink, apparently trying too hard to set the
hook, knocked one of his rod and reels in the lake. However, we all
agreed that it had to have been Moreharts fault as well. Another
great tradition of biscuits and gravy, hash browns, over easy
huevos, and both chili verde and red chili for breakfast . . . don?t
get no better than that!! Freeb and Stink clean fish after
breakfast and naps begin at 1:15. At 3:11 we are treated to the
annual fighter jet flyover but, as usual, we only hear em and not
see em. By 4:30, all out fishing and it?s pretty nice . . . must be
about time to go home. All in by 6:30 and Stink landed another hog,
a 4-5 lb largemouth. Buckloins and left overs for dinner.
Listened to Rockies and Tigers after dinner and killed two more
bottles of Port. To bed at 9:30. Pretty night but cool.
Willie on the Houseboat sound system.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Generator on at 5:40 for our least favorite day
of the year. In breaking camp Buck has to go deep to retrieve the
sunken shore anchor. Back is definitely barking now!! Banjo gets up at 7:15 and says he feels like
shit. One look at him and we all agree he looks like it also. At
7:40 we begin backing HB out . . . there simply is not a better
Houseboat Captain on the lake than Knocker and if he can?t do it,
Jake can!! By 7:54 we?re in the main channel, all 4 boats tied up
and burnin gas up the lake. Jake warms up the remaining Breakfast
Burritos and Green Chili while Buck tries his best no to cut himself
in making Picnic sandwiches and other treats for the ride home.
This group, once again, is like a well oiled machine as everyone
just goes about getting whatever needs to be done, done. We
constantly marvel about how efficiently this group functions and
with never so much as a cross word or even a raised eyebrow. We
also laugh at how a similar trip with a group of women would be . .
. . well, let?s just say, it would be some different. By 9:54 we
are back at the Hall?s Dock and the weather is beautiful, nicest day
of the week . . .wouldn?t ya know. By 10:20 the HB departs for
Bullfrog. Called home and all is well. Also listened to a few
Happy B Day voice mails. Couple of vehicles have a warning ticket
on the windshield for having the wrong Zebra Mussel certificates.
Boys back by Noon and by 12:15 we?re headed for home. No problems
with HB check-in. Weather is turning ugly quickly and at Cedar Mesa
it?s 44 degrees and snowing. Also, Pole has gas something awful.
If GM wasn?t so dependent on him we?d leave his ass by a pinion
tree. Stop in Dove Creek at 3pm for gas and back to Durango at 4:30
where it?s 49 degrees. Fortunately we finally find the Party Favors
we forgot at the dealership and pass around a way cool LPLT travel
coffee mug to everyone. All inventory restored and all UPS stuff
packed up. Pole and Banjo decide to leave a bunch of shit at the
dealership but we have no idea what. Head home to Sunni Jane at
5:04 and stop by Catholic Church for carryout Spaghetti. Home at 6
pm, dinner, showers and shave. Banjo working on Sunni?s electronics
and Pole on the boom box. By 9pm it?s lights out.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Alarm goes off at 4am . . . ouch! Couple
inches of new snow. Banjo says he still hasn?t been to sleep . . .
uh oh. Leave for airport at 4:40 and it?s 22 degrees. At airport
by 5:30 check in and get wait listed for early flight. We make the
early flight, de-ice and take off at 6:25. Arrive Denver at 7:10.
Hang around at Caribou Coffee for awhile. Go to gate and on time
departure at 10:20. Naps for Buck and Banjo and Pole never stopped
talking to a midget, Hippie, Army girl. Arrive in Detroit at 3pm.
Ginners is picking us up but is delayed slightly in traffic. Home
by 5pm and lights out at 7:30. Another wonderful year despite less
than perfect weather. All is RIGHT with the World!!!
2010 LPLT Epilogue Summary, Observations, and Lessons
Learned
In 2011 make
sure we get the correct Glen Canyon Zebra Mussel Certificates and
not the State of Utah ones as we could get fined next year.
Always good to
have a Rook along and Reggae was a great addition - could be
Wallstreet?s best contribution to the group since Bogey!! (but we do
hope the Doo and even Deuce can join us again sometime).
Many, many
thanks to Knocker for help in getting the 45th Parallel Vodka
(especially the Horseradish stuff) and to the always-generous DC for
buying. And, a huge thanks to Luther for the Famous Grouse,
Bailey?s and all the countless other extra stuff he always
brings!!.
4 bottles of
port just right and Sandeman 20 year old is best, but don't never
forget the chocolates!!!
Cookies, crumb
cake, Muffins, and all Jeffi's bread, especially the Olive loaf, is
outstanding. Just need to try and keep bread fresh as possible
(works best to put extra stuff in front freezer and just get out as
it's needed)
Add foil pans,
mushrooms, balsamic vinegar, and hand lotion to the grocery list.
Don't need salad dressing as Deadeye can make it
When we are
about 10 minutes from Dove Creek, we need to call the Blue Mtn Caf?
and order Pole?s breakfast so he can start as soon as we get there
and we?ll only have to wait about 15 minutes after everyone else has
finished
3 OJ's are
enough - consumption down in 2009 and 2010
6 lg cans tomato
juice and 6 sm beef broth just about right, make sure to get
horseradish, Worcestershire sauce, and Hot sauce
Don't need mayo
but get 2 bottles of good, spicy brown mustard, cut back to 3 lbs
turkey for sandwiches
The 59'
houseboat was perfect and the generator noise was not an issue (at
least for most of us)
The front ice
chest on the houseboat is the smartest thing they've ever done
(well, except for 2 shitters).
Don't forget to
get the pillows, linens, towels, extra coffee pot, folding table,
etc from Bullfrog and remind Deadeye to get sufficient quantities of
Ice, especially cubed cocktail ice
Don't need jelly
as long as we have honey
Wayne wants to make marinade for the chicken, but still
need 1 bottle of Allegro for Buckloins
Don't need to
bring sugar or sweetener, or essence, we have plenty
Always bring
massive amounts of anything Grace cooks!!
2 lg bags of
chips enough and don't even consider buying salt free peanuts - even
Wayne won't eat em
Tonic water
doesn't keep from one year to next
Don't F#*K with
the menu!!!!!!! but buy Sodium free salt to cook with out of
concern for Wayne's ticker
2 Red Onions and
2 large garlic bulbs enough
Need 4 Large
rolls of paper towels
2 lbs of coffee
enough
Need 60 paper
plates. Makes dish washing much easier
1 lg jar olives
enough. Get thing of blue cheese from City Market rather than huge
one at Sam's
Get Large Olive
Oil at Sam's (look for balsamic there also)
1 Gal of Milk
enough
Roy D and Ron
White were, once again, a big hit
Check out all
spare tires, boat trailer spares, wheel bearing grease, Boom Box/CD
players, etc PRIOR to the trip!!! Make sure we get Jake's XM
player and Buck's antenna
Get more fresh
lemons for tartar sauce and fish fry but make sure Jake and Pole
make their special tartar sauce and that Pole brings the recipe
So, boys, there
you have it. Now, wasn't it worth waiting for? And, despite the
less than ideal weather conditions, the fishing was GREAT (for some)
and a wonderful trip was had by all. Bottom line, we are all truly
blessed to have reasonably good health, wonderful families, and
despite our advancing age, be at a place in our lives where we can
truly enjoy each other's company. It is almost beyond comprehension
that a group of guys can continue doing something we love so much
for so long, do it so well, without major problems (other than
questionable footwear and endless flatulence), and still want to
come back for more year after year. The almost spiritual beauty of
Lake Powell is exceeded only by the boundless joy of good
friends!!!
See you in 2011, God willing!!!!!! ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE
WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!
Love, Buck
