Before a proper epilogue can
begin, sometimes there needs to be a proper preface, you know, kinda
like, ?sometimes you need to talk awhile before you say anything?.
But I digress . . . before beginning this year?s masterpiece I
scanned previous year?s recaps, going back to 2004. The thing that
really stood out in this investigation is how much longer the recaps
have gotten over the years. I can only conclude that . . . the
older we get the more fun we have ? either that or the note taking
has just gotten better. Either way it is a profound privilege to
use the meager talents that God has given me, to try and capture
priceless and precious memories of a group that have become so much
more than friends and are eloquent testimony to the long held adage
that, ?We have to grow old but we NEVER have to grow up?!!!! Here
goes, Bassholes . . .
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Well, I?ll be damned if I don?t feel a whole
year older when I awake at 3:14 am, but fortunately manage to fall
back to sleep until 4:26. I?m wide awake when the alarm goes off at
4:45 and realize what a lucky old fart I am when Ginners brings me a
cup of coffee and a really cute Birthday Card in bed! I?m dressed
and downstairs by 5am and pack some wonderful homemade Cinnamon
Rolls (to spoil the boys) for the trip to the airport. At 5:15 I
put a ?Gone Fishin? message on Facebook and check emails for the
last time in probably 10 days (reckon I?ll have close to a million
the next time I look). I also check the sports news and see that
the Tigers lost again and the Lions drafted another Wide Receiver,
so all is right with the world. At 5:35 I get a text from Banjo
that says ?let?s went? so at 5:42 we?re off to pick up his sorry
ass. Its 34 degrees at 5:50 as we pick him up, standing in his
driveway, and then we?re off to Poles. We get there at 6:00 and see
his bags already waiting outside. Ginners has coffee poured and
cinnamon roles and napkins ready for the boys, and just to show his
appreciation, Pole farts . . . not advisable as that?s probably the
last curb service these assholes will ever get.
We arrive at the airport at 6:45 and get through security without
incident (which is quite amazing considering the juvenile aptitude
of these 2 idiots I?m traveling with). We get to the gate and enjoy
some coffee and Polenuts for breakfast. I get 2 wonderful Birthday
calls from Grandbabies, Madison and Emerson. (God was surely in one
of his best moods the day he decided to create Grandchildren). At
7:39 the Doo arrives. It is really great to have him back again
this year, for the first time since 2008. He sees us and casually
remarks, ?can?t believe you assholes aren?t in the bar?. We reply
that we would be if we could find one open. At 7:50 Pole departs
for his 2nd airport dump ? he must really like the
facilities at the airport, just hope he doesn?t start walking in
those little bitty steps again. The Doo advises that he has
procured a whole shitload of new fishing gear and that it requires a
$13,000 rocket launcher (sorry but not sure what I was supposed to
do with that).
At 8:40 we begin boarding and we are ?wheels up? at 9am, right on
time. At 9:10am Pole orders the first round of 3 Bloody Mary?s and
a wine for the Doo. Our 2nd Class Flight Attendant gives
us the BM Mix but advises that ?Gay Boy? from First Class will have
to bring the vodka and wine. He finally manages to sashay back to
us with the libations, only to also advise that this is all the
vodka they have on the plane. Now, I?ve heard before about ?all
things in moderation? many times, but this is a revolting
development!!! Pole tries to pay ?Gay Boy? with cash only to be
advised that ?I?m sorry, I don?t take cash?, to which Doo says ?I
do? and grabs the money from Flagman. We all find this terribly
amusing, and apparently WAY more than the guy sitting in front of
us, who is trying to sleep (shoulda thought of that last night
dickwad). After just a few more minutes of our incredible frivolity
he is really pissed and asks ?Gay Boy? for some ear plugs (we all
agree the chances of this guy having a butt plug are far greater
than him ponyin up with some ear plugs). And, as you might expect,
Banjo says he?s drunk, to which Pole orders another round and tells
2nd Class to bring us Gin since they?re out of vodka.
Banjo cuts himself off so Pole drinks both. Shortly thereafter (the
notes no longer reflect the time, thus leading me to believe that
gin affects one?s ability to tell time), Pole orders the 3rd
round. Banjo is now back, in but switches to Dewars and 2nd
advises they?re now out of Gin. Seriously United Airlines . . . WTF,
is this the first Sat am flight that anyone has ever ordered
booze?). Anyway, Doo opts for more wine and Pole and Buck decided
on Rum and OJ. 2nd is so apologetic that he comps this
round and he also gives us all 3 packs of snack mix each for our
inconvenience. And, did I mention the guy in front of us?? He has
correctly deducted that the more Pole drinks the louder he gets.
This guy can only be described at this point as ?apoplectic?. We
think he is now putting rolled up napkins in his ears . . . to which
we decide . . . tough shit!!
We then launch into a lengthy discussion about this year?s hockey
bet and shortly thereafter unanimously agree that, 1) we got
fornicated by Ole Deadeye, and 2) never, ever again will we agree to
giving those DC assholes points!!!! We also summarize that we can
legitimize this, cause . . . Poles got data!!!! Pole, in his best
childlike behavior asks, ?how much longer? to which Doo replies, ?20
minutes?. That refrain is repeated 3 more times over the next hour
until finally we touch down in Denver at 10:20am MDT. I look at my
phone and see I have a text from Jimmywaynemoreforehead asking if
we?re in Denver yet. I text back we just arrived and we head to Que
Bueno for some morning tacos, burritos, and cerveza as its 48
degrees and beautiful in the Mile High. After full bellies we head
to Gate B82 and Doo takes another nap and Pole another dump
(something about that boy?s anus and airports is apparently at
work). Our plane finally arrives at our gate 15 min late but we
shortly board a completely full flight and off we go to the City of
the Silver San Juan (the notes don?t say anything about booze so I
musta been drunk already).
We touchdown in Durango at 1:20 and Ole Deadeye is waitin there for
us, grinning like a cat eatin shit. We pile everything in the
Avalance and head to the dealership to pick up sleeping bags before
heading home. We arrive at Mudhouse Ruins at 2:45 only to find that
Sunni is MIA (to which we deduct, good planning on her part). At
3:30 she does arrive and is not any more impressed to see us than
she ever is (don?t tell anybody but she secretly loves us!!!!). We
snack on some Polenuts, have a couple beers/wines/cocktails and at
4:45 we head back to town for the annual Catholic Church Spaghetti
Supper. Wayne says, once again he is going all out/Top Shelf for
Buckwheat?s birthday!!! It is mucho bueno as always and by 9 pm we
are back home, watched Rockies lose, see that KylefkuingBush has won
the race and we all are night, night. Happy Birthday indeed,
Buckwheat!!!!!
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Wake up at 2:24 am . . . shitfukhelldamn . . .
and toss and turn till 4:30 when I know I?m awake for good. Stumble
into the kitchen and start the coffee and take this opportunity to
christen the throne before those stinky ass boys find their way. At
5:30 me and Sunni Jane are solving the world?s problems on the porch
with a great cup of coffee. Beside seeing old friends that I dearly
love there is something downright spiritual about the smell of the
Colorado High Country at this time of day. There is nothing else
quite like it and it never, ever gets old. By 6am, and still kickin
ass on problem solving I am amazed to see all the other boys have
stumbled out of bed without me having to wake them up ? now THAT is
a first!!! I teach the Doo a very valuable Trick of the West by
introducing him to a Green Chile Croissant (that shit is so good
it?ll make you bark at the moon). I also give him his party favors
from 2009 and 2010, the tshirt and coffee mug. By 8am we are all
ready to head to Farmington . . . well, all except Banjo who is
dropping a deuce. We all accuse him of becoming Flagman, as Wayne
stolls by the shitter, inhales and announces, ?well Pole?s ready?.
We are finally off to see the wizard and get into a discussion about
some of the delacacies we are gonna buy. I announce to the world
that I have trimmed back the Grocery List this year and am only
gonna buy what we need this year and cut back on the impulse
buying. Not a swingin dick in the place believe an ounce of what I
just said. But, moving on, Jimmy (the Snob)Wayne declares that he
just can?t believe someone would ruin the taste of really good,
expensive booze by adding such things as olive juice (aka dirt) or
Tonic Water or Cranberry Juice. To which, Banjo asks, ?wait a
minute, do you like the taste of marijuana or the result?? And, I
pile on by asking what Wayne would know about expensive booze since
he is tighter than skin on a Nun?s . . . . uh, er . . . plumbing.
At 9 am we arrive at the Safeway store and buy provisions for
tonight?s dinner. At 9:20 we arrive at Buck?s Pancake Alley ? other
than Reggae, one of the finest things Farmington has to offer. Once
again we know how it feels to be a minority in this country as we
are grossly outnumbered by Navajos. But, we make the best of it and
revel in variously prepared dishes primarily featuring Indian
grease.
At 10:14 we roll into Sam?s Club. Buck, to the amazement of the
masses, bears a striking resemblance to John Elway in full blown 2
minute drive mode. He barks directions to the minions (well, all
except the Doo is who making good on his pledge to shat at every
place we stop in the next 6 days) without a second?s wasted effort,
and in only 22 minutes the boys are outta there, having spent only
$165 . . . the first of many 2012 examples of . . . Everything in
Moderation, boys!!!!
We are back at Mudhouse at 11:40 and Wayne heads out on a bike ride
and Banjo and Pole head to the dealership to work on Goddard?s
Trolling Motor. Banjo has been doing some major league cipherin
over the last few months and definitely has a plan!!! Buck and Doo
also have a plan, its called Naps. By 3:00 the pink leotard boy has
returned advising that its way breezy out. At 4:400 the Trolling
Motor Repair Team has returned, announcing it?s definitely gonna be
more gooder this year . . .unless it?s not. Wayne begins
preparation of the scrumptious round steak/green chile/potato/tomato
concoction. Esta mucho bueno!! Cocktails soon flow freely and are
accompanied by nachos, chips, and homemade salsa. We eat a
wonderful dinner at 6:30 and shortly after the crew launches into
assembling Wayne?s drainage system. Buckwheat, who knows less than
nothing about this process, concludes that the collective I. Q. of
this crew is somewhere in the upper single digits. We drink and lie
till 9:00 and it?s lights out.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Up at 5am to make the coffee and somehow Pole
slithers in and gets a head start of the constitutional and shower
ahead of me. Moving at his normal warp speed that only takes just
under an hour. I?m in the shower at 6 and by the time I?m out
everyone is up and soling problems with Sunni on the porch (I know
she LOVES this shit). At 6:45 we head to town and its 40 degrees.
We stop at the dealership to check the inventory and take Goddard?s
boat across the street and wash it. We then head to Wal Mart ? not
cause we need anything, just cause we always do!! At 9:30 we head
to Bread and see Jeffi and sample some of the most incredible pastry
on the Western Slope. At 11am we go to the Buckeye Guy Liquor Store
and make his month. Shortly after we head downtown to see Stinky in
his new office ? VERY impressive and great to see Jen!!! I walk
down the street to say Hi to Trudy, who I haven?t seen in at least
30 years when she used to work in a ski shop with Ginners. She
looks great and we have a delightful chat. At 11:45 we are back at
the dealership and Luther and Denny arrive. They announce they have
had a very uneventful and perfectly peaceful and wonderful drive
down (must be cause Ponch has decided to ditch the Bassholes and go
bowlin this year . . . can that actually be possible??? Could
someone forego Lake Powell for bowling????? Say it ain?t so!!!! I
reckon you?d have to be either a Communist or a Fudge Packer to
commit this kind of unpardonable sin . . . but Luther says its
so!!!! We?re gonna have to dig into this further). At 12:30 we
repeat one of the other incredible traditions of this trip as we
head to Gaspacho?s. We meet Freeb and Jake there and the food is
just as incredible as it always is . . . literally this place is
among my top 5 Mexican Food restaurants on the planet!!! We waddle
outta there and head back to the Dealership. At 3pm we head to the
grocery store only to find that the South City Market is closed and
we have to go to the North one. This becomes a major clusterfuk as
the layout is completely different and we are total fossil creatures
of habit. Despite this obstacle, Buck goes into Peyton Manning
Audible mode and by 4:15 we are out of this dump, having spent $100
less than last year. Once again, Bassholes . . . All things in
Moderation. By 4:30 we?re back at the Dealership and Walstreet and
Reggae arrive. Good to see them although both of them look 5 years
older than dirt, which leads me to wonderin why I never look any
older? We set up a fireline to get everything out of storage and
into boat storage. This leads to beer and lie time which is always
a personal favorite of everyone. We also engage in a discussion
that since, for the first time in virtual memory the GLC is
graciously providing the community booze this year, someone among
the DC is gonna have to learn how to buy Port. Luther advises that
he will stop, on the way to Don?s house and take care of that and
also buy some peanuts since Shitty Market didn?t have any this
year. We need to make sure that Wayne doesn?t let this grocery
store logistical catastrophe happen again!!! We get some takeout
BBQ and head back to Waynes to eat, drink, watch the Redwings, and
night, night by 9:30.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
OMG, can it really be that the Sleep Meter has
reached ZERO??? I?m up at 4am to start the coffee and find that JW
is already up. I get Pole up at 4:02, Doo is up at 4:10 and Banjo
at 4:25. At 4:49 Wayne and Doo depart for the Bakery and at 4:57
me, Pole, and Banjo depart to stop and get ice. We arrive at the
Dealership at 5:25. It?s 34 degrees and ain?t nobody else here
until Jake arrives at 5:40. Good Ole Jake, always on time and
always as dapper as if the just stepped out of the pages of the
Mormon?s Quarterly. Reggae and the Chicago Pole are here at 5:45
and, naturally Freeb and his crew are late. We ALWAYS want to be
?wheels up? at 6am but kinda hard to do when those assholes don?t
arrive till 6:05. I try to give Luther a hard time about it but he
just mumbles something about Freebie being exactly like Frazier on
Cheers when Sam asked him, ?Frazier, what color is the sky in your
world?? Anyway, we?re finally hooked up and rolling at 6:25. We
see some buffalo between Mancos and Dolores . . . either that or
Banjo?s misspent youth has rubbed off on the rest of us!!
At the Lewis turnoff another time honored tradition is celebrated as
Ole Buckeroo discovers a powerful parched feeling in his throat that
is, thankfully, fully relieved by an ice cold cerveza, which just so
happens to be ?the best beer I?ve ever had in my whole life? (God
rest your soul Jasper). Thanks to the rest of you juvenile
adolescents for jumping in also. At 7:55 we pull up to the Blue
Mountain Caf?(not Connie?s anymore) in Dove Creek. We ask today?s
Blister to put Poles order in first so we have a chance of all
finishing somewhat together.
At 9:03 we are back on the road again and a snowball?s chance in
Hell of seein the horse?s head due to lack of snow. Despite that,
some asswipe in our vehicle claims he can see the antlers. We stop
in Monticello at the new, and very nice, Maverick Station that Jake
has been telling us about (must be owned by one of his Jakeleg
brethren). Gas is $3.83 and Diesel $4.12. We?re soon on the way
again and 2 more traditions paid off at the Tin Building piss stop
at 10:20 and playing of the Electric Horseman shortly thereafter.
It is 60degrees but mostly cloudy.
At 11:02 we reach the 46 mile turnoff and thank God we ain?t lettin
Wayne change into his pink leotards to scratch some shit off his
bucket list this year. I just wish there were some words that could
adequately describe the beauty of this drive . . . but, sadly, they
don?t exist, at least not yet. At 12:07 we reach the Zebra Mussel
inspection station. It?s 79 degrees and we are all again together
at 12:22 at the boat launch. Stink, Banjo, Denny, and Wayne are the
first to leave in Stink?s boat to get the Houseboat and scout for a
Camp Spot as we have decided to go north this year, most likely in
Moki Canyon.
At 2:25 the HB is back and we quickly load it
up and Captain Knocker has the hammer down and headed north.
Unfortunately the hammer ain?t working so good as the right engine
keeps overheating (this ain?t good as we?re less than 20 minutes
into a 5 day trip and already we?ve got mechanical problems. Shit,
this reminds me of when I used to work for a living). We call the
Marina and they tell us to wait in the Main Channel at Buoy 99,
outside the Moki entrance and they will send a mechanic. I make the
most of this buy whipping up the first (of many, many) round of
Buckwheats for Capt Knocker and his Merry Men (damn, they?re good).
At 3:45 we?re all floating at Buoy 98, as none of the fishing boats
even tied on this year, due to the short commute. At 4:00 ?JR?, the
YataHa Boat Repair Boy arrives and adds oil to the right engine
(Duh, but isn?t that something one could reasonably expect would
have been done prior to renting a multi thousand dollar vessel?).
At 4:20 we are back on the way and headed to the end of Moki as
Banjo and Stink advise that they have found the perfect camp spot.
Stink goes ahead in the boat (I know that bastard just wants to
catch the first fish) and Banjo stays with the HB and he and Pole
begin installing the XM Radio shit (thanks for lending it again
Jake). Unfortunately we are getting very marginal reception. By
5:15 we have reached the spot and the boys were right ? she is a
thing of beauty and well worth every penny of the thousands of
dollars a night we are paying to stay here!!! We begin whatever it
us all of us do at this point, like fishing tackle preparation,
unpacking, drinking, food organizing, drinking,
pissing/farting/scratching, drinking, and generally reveling in Lake
Powell America. Life is VERY,VERY GOOD to us, boys, that we can all
be back together again and share in this indescribable beauty and
cherished brotherhood . . . well, all except some nameless,
shitforbrains, former, ?I?m gonna have to write you up cause I?ve
got a small Penis?, retard who would rather go bowling than be with
the best bunch of guys anywhere around, in one of the most beautiful
places on the planet, and to make matters worse he doesn?t like
Green Chile or mustard . . . the name has been deleted to protect
the Guilty Prick!!!! At 5:30, a boat with a couple of Lesbians
(not that there?s a damned thing wrong with that) pulls up to the
back of our Houseboat Yes, that?s correct, he said a boat with a
couple of Lesbians came and found us. They claim they were just
driving along in their boat when they saw a mysterious floating
object in the water. Being curious females (who happen to share my
preference in sexual organs) they pulled alongside and fished out a
long, triangular Fed Ex box. By means of a very astute
investigative process they quickly deduced this to be exactly what
it was . . . . Jimmy Wayne?s Rod Case (your Honor, I rest my case
about the claim against this Short Arms and Deep Pockets Captain of
Industry). I?m still a bit fuzzy about how they were able to deduce
he was in our presence, but I believe that to be the subject of yet
another, award winning, masterpiece. Anyway, they were quite proud
of their accomplishment and reportedly were willing to accept, as
restitution, a generous amount of alcoholic libation. And, whoever
was in charge of this process must have thought they deserved a
Dammed Presidential Commemoration as they filled the Lesbian?s flask
with, are you ready for this, the precious by the drop, National
Scotch of Scotland, Famous Grouse. Editors Note: this proceeding
definitely does not fall into the ?Everything in Moderation?
category, as it was WAY to hell above and beyond what was called
for.
At 6:30 we begin dinner preparation and vittles on the table at
7:15. It?s the first of many scrumptious meals, this one featuring
Green Chile Cheeseburgers (yes, with mustard, Ponch), Pinto Beans,
and Salad. At 7:45, after dinner Banjo catches a Crappie and to
celebrate we all have a little Port, courtesy of Luther and the DC
boys. By 8:30 most of us are headed to Night Night (damn we?re old)
with a ? moon and a light breeze, but no Willie/Stardust.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Generator is on at 5:41 so, obviously Luther
thinks it?s time to start the coffee and for everyone to be up.
46degrees out and everyone (even Banjo, by God) up by 6:30. Another
great tradition of enjoying Jeffi?s delicious Crumb Cake and Coffee
and Bailey?s. By 7:15, everyone out fishing. Banjo is piloting the
Goddard boat and doing a great job with the repaired trolling
motor. Banjo, hooks numerous fish (actually hogs them as most guys
in the front of the boat are want to do), Wayne lands one Smallie
minnow, and Buck catches what the little boy swung at and missed.
By 11:45 am everyone in and, apparently everyone, except Reggae and
Buck, report catching fish (I know someone?s lying ? just don?t know
exactly who). Freeb, once again, breaks out all the precise
measuring instruments to prepare the perfect Bloody Mary?s. One
would think that a 70 year old man would remember, by now, how to
make them but, alas, that is just not the case. Jimmy Wayne
prepares his world famous Omelet and Luther fires up his beautiful
new grille and does the hashbrowns. By 12:30 we?ve finished
breakfast and, let the record show, Buck and Doo do the dishes.
Naps all around by 1pm. Shortly after 2, most are up and Stink asks
for Pole?s engineering assistance in designing a new process for
rigging a Wacky Worm. Stink soon discovers that Pole is precisely
the guy for which the saying about having to talk for awhile before
saying anything is attributed to. The rest of us, who know Pole
well, ponder why Stink wishes to have moldings fall off his new lure
invention. By 4pm Stink has had enough and his boat leaves to go
fishing and it is quite windy. Everyone else stays in camp. Wayne
takes a shower, and after announces he has made a discovery . . . if
you soap your asshole and then fart before you rinse, you can make
bubbles . . . he is quite proud of himself and the rest of us wonder
why a 67 year old man finds this so humorous. Around 4:30 2 cabin
cruiser type boats motor past us and appear to be parking not much
more than 100 yards from us. One boat has 2 guys and one broad and
the other boat, named ?Dr Bonz?, is driven by a quite attractive
broad in an equally attractive bikini. While Banjo is livid at this
development I am left to ponder why nothing like this has ever
happened before in our 36 year history. Banjo launches into a terse
and testy diatribe directed toward our new neighbors and states that
he can?t wait for Pole to return and get ripped and drive them
away. Around 5:45 another boat with 4 guys joins them . . . this is
starting to get interesting. Banjo is still messing with the XM
Radio as it is definitely not working right and moves the antenna up
to the very top canopy of the HB. He also tells us the story about
getting his ear pierced. Suffice it to say that this story has a
Happy Ending. The notes also say that Reggae came up with a very
funny line about Banjo and hair spray, but I?m damned if I can come
up with anything else . . . anybody else remember?? We are treated
to an incredible dinner of Chicken Ore House and Lake Powell
Casserole, which was acclaimed to be the Best Ever. Knocker and Doo
on dish duty while Banjo begins camp fire prep. By 9pm, Banjo is in
full blown Pyrotechnic bloom and the campfire is awesome. Luther
promises to bring a flame thrower next year for Banjo. We are all
well on our way to an escape from sobriety and this just seems like
the perfect time for our annual Sparky and Jasper tribute . . . we
all miss ya, brothers, but you?re always a huge part of the trip!!!
Buck even surprises the group with another telling of the Hairlip
joke (again, just seemed like the right time). All in bed by 10pm.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Generator magically comes on at 5:56 on a
beautiful sunny and warm day. We all start the day with Coffee &
Baileys, and more scrumptious pastries from Jeffi and Bread . . .
and, of course, Wallstreet and his Life Preserver brushing his teeth
in the kitchen (at least he isn?t carrying his autographed model
Shit Stick). At 7:30 Wayne and I go out fishing with Jake. Jake
manages to land 4, Wayne, and . . . I forgot what else happened. In
at 10:00 and Banjo, Luther, and Don already there. It?s gettin a
bit breezy. Today?s treat is Grace?s Breakfast Burritos, Green
Chile, and Hashbrowns . . . esta mucho bueno as always. By 11:45
naps all around till about 1:45 when our neighbors cruise by heading
to the main channel and, lo and behold what, to our amazement, do we
lay eyes upon but 2 sets of bare breastackles . . . Banjo, sure glad
you didn?t drive em off yesterday . . . in 36 years, this is a most
welcome first ever event!!!! I then prep the Buckloin and marinate
some chicken for cooking later. Wallstreet is catching some catfish
off the back of the HB, using some of the discarded chicken parts as
bait. Out fishing again at 4 till about 6. During cocktail hour we
tally up the collective investments in community booze for 2012. It
works out to $31 each for the GLC guys for vodka, etc and $22 each
for the DC boys for the Port (both of which are artificially lowered
by Luther?s always most generous offerings ? Luther we do appreciate
it!!!). At 7:30 we dine on Stink?s Gourmet Posole and Freeb?s
authentic Green Chile, along with some frijoles, queso, and
tortillas. Pole and Banjo are busy readying another fire pit while
Luther and Freeb do the dishes and we all listen to Classic Rock N
Roll and play a little Guess the Song/Artist. We finish that off
with a little Port and Chocolates by the fire at 9 and all in bed by
10 with about a 7/8 moon and Wille & Stardust (guess Pole finally
figured out how to work the boombox).
Friday, May 4, 2013
Generator fires to life at 5:46. One log is
still burning in the firepit . . . musta been a big un. Out fishing
across the mail channel with Stink and Wayne and, miracle of
miracles, Buckwheat catches a fish (the very least Stink could have
done was gotten a picture of my $1,400 fish). Hey, he?s not just
another pretty face after all!!! Back in at 10:45 to start the
Biscuits & Gravy. We simply must figure out a better process, as
somewhere along the way, 2 dozen frozen biscuits have managed to
merge into 1 giant biscuit ? and that?s NOT a good thing. Anybody
got any ideas?? This definitely does not meet the ?Moderation?
mantra. During the breakfast prep (which is taking longer than
usual due to the biscuit clusterfudge) Pole is working a wee bit of
his fat ass off gathering and prepping firewood for tonight. We
finally eat at about 12:30 and Luther does a great job of ?over
easy? eggs on the grill. Naps all around at 1:00. The generator is
not working right (that?s not the technical diagnosis but it?s the
best I got) so hopefully it?ll be better later. It?s 82 and breezy
this afternoon. At 3:30 Reggae?s boat goes out fishing and all
others stay in and start getting drunk. At 6:30 Buck treats the
boys to the world famous, can?t miss, Buckloin appetizer. It is THE
best!!! At about 7:30 our neighbor, John, comes down to shoot the
breeze and apologize for the late night noise from his group. What
he doesn?t know is that, after the little show his group provided
yesterday we really don?t give a rat?s ass about a little late night
serenade from afar. He is really a pretty decent guy from Ogden,
UT. Most of the group are laborers from that area. We invite him
and the group (especially a couple) over later for our final night
bonfire. Wayne is preparing a salad and pulling out leftovers for
dinner. We graze around 8:30 and meander out to the firepit at 9.
It is an especially good fire and made even more entertaining by
Banjo wading in the lake, next to the pit. He claims to be looking
for catfish swimming dead (Hey, I don?t make this shit up, I just
report it). By 10 pm all is right with the world as Jake is
speaking in tongues and the neighbors have really got it cranked up
tonight (wish they would have come for the fire) and we all drift
off to night, night.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
The most dreaded day of the year begins at 5:47
with the generator on. Naturally it is the best am of the trip. We
quickly begin the process of breaking camp and, for the most part,
the group functions efficiently and quietly, like a well oiled
machine. This is, all except one nameless Pollock from Chicago, who
reportedly was attempting to throw his sleeping bag from the top of
the houseboat into Reggae?s boat. Why he thought he needed a full
body followthrough with that toss is anybody?s guess but the
silence was broken by the crash and wail of a none too graceful
sudden stop. Seriously, we?re all relieved to see that, other than
being pretty shook up and some soreness, Wallstreet appears to be
OK. It does seem that God looks out for little children, drunks,
and old , men who should know better!! After that excitement Doo
helps Buckwheat make sandwiches for the drive home. At 7:30 we
break camp and, again due to the short drive, it?s not necessary to
tie boats on ? sure makes it easier. Banjo is playing the role of
Videographer coming out of Moki Canyon and rest of us not driving a
little boat are finishing off the Breakfast Burritos and cleaning up
and packing. We reach the Main Channel at 8am and back to the Halls
Dock at 8:45. Unload everything, return the HB, trailer the little
boats and wheels up back to Durango at 11am. It is an uneventful
drive back to Durango and the scenery just never looks as pretty
going home as it does going. We get back to Durango at 4:15 and
kiss everyone good bye till next year. It has been another
wonderful trip, with very decent weather but disappointing fishing.
However, the food, booze, laughter, frivolity, and camaraderie has
been nothing short of spectacular. Lake Powell, we love you and we
realize just how blessed we have all been to have gotten to know you
? and each other ? over these last 36 years. Until we meet again .
. . Via Con Dias Mi Amigo!!!!
2012
LPLT Epilogue Summary, Observations, and Lessons Learned
In 2013, we need to see if the rules on Zebra Mussel Certificates
have changed, as they seem to every year.
It was certainly great to have the Doo rejoin us this year. It?s
been too long and we have missed his company, especially Wallstreet,
since he has been the token Pollock in his absence.
The GLC boys are to be complimented for their unselfish generosity
in providing the booze this year ? even though Wayne screwed us with
a very unfair bet. And, a huge thanks to Luther for the Famous
Grouse, Bailey?s and all the countless other extra stuff he always
brings!!.
We once again agreed that 4 bottles of port just right and Sandeman
20 year old is best. Also, need to find the Hershey Nuggets if
possible and, if not, just about any other chocolate will do.
We certainly enjoyed having Deadeye with us for the entire drive to
the Lake this year. Again, we are left to wonder what other vile
activities are on Deadeye?s Bucket List? I have never actually made
one but, when I do, I guaran-damn-tee you there will be no mention
of riding a bicycle in pink spandex for almost 50 miles while my
buddies are drinking beer and listening to Willie.
The decision to go north to Moki Canyon this year was a very good
one. Although it may not be quite as scenic as south, the fact that
it is so much closer, we don?t have to tie up fishing boats, and the
commute time is a fraction of going south makes it a great choice.
Think most would vote to do it again in 2013.
Jake did a great job with the home made tortillas in 2012 since
Grace?s problems with her hands will not allow her to. And, every
year we are reminded to bring massive amounts of anything Grace
cooks!!
Buck needs a beeper on his glasses case.
Need to make sure we get the right XM Power Cord and try to park in
a place where we can get a satellite signal.
The DC boys all wonder how Pole can wake up in such a good mood
everyday. He always seems to be so happy in the morning. I tell
them that, if you knew for dead nuts certain that you weren?t going
to have to watch any of your moldings fall off a brand new vehicle
on that day, you would be happy also.
Pole and Jake had a hell of a time without measuring cups for the
tartar sauce. I still haven?t figured out why they didn?t just
borrow Freebies since he?s almost 80 years old and still hasn?t
learned how to make Bloody Mary?s without a recipe and precise
measurements.
We really appreciate Goddard letting us use his Tracker Bass Boat.
It is a welcome addition all and we greatly appreciate the repairs
that Banjo and Pole did to the Trolling Motor. I?m not exactly sure
what they did but it worked much better and was a shitload cheaper
than buying a new one.
We?ve got to come up with a better system for the frozen biscuits so
we don?t end up with one giant one rather than 2 dozen little ones.
Buck has some ideas but would appreciate hearing about any others.
Cookies, crumb cake, Muffins, and all Jeffi's bread, especially the
Olive loaf, is outstanding. Just need to try and keep bread fresh
as possible (works best to put extra stuff in front freezer and just
get out as it's needed)
The 59' houseboat was perfect and the generator noise was not an
issue (at least for most of us). The front ice chest on the
houseboat is the smartest thing they've ever done (well, except for
2 shitters).
Don't forget to get the pillows, linens, towels, extra coffee pot,
folding table, etc from Bullfrog and make sure we get sufficient
quantities of Ice, especially cubed cocktail ice. 8 blocks and 6
20lb bags of crushed came out just right. Don?t never ever let
Wayne screw with it again!!
The Olive Oil/Lemon Juice marinade for the chicken was fine, but
still need 1 bottle of Allegro for Buckloins
2 lb bag of chips enough and don't even consider buying salt free
peanuts - even Wayne won't eat em
Tonic water doesn't keep from one year to next
Don't F#*K with the menu!!!!!!! but buy Sodium free salt to cook
with out of concern for Wayne's ticker. Buck may just make some
Essence with Salt Substitute in the future.
2 lbs of coffee enough
Need 60 paper plates. Makes dish washing much easier
1 lg jar olives enough. Get thing of blue cheese from City Market
rather than huge one at Sam's
Get Large Olive Oil at Sam's (look for balsamic there also)
1 Gal of Milk enough
Lewis Black and Ron White were, once again, a big hit, especially on
the new flat screen TV and whatever technology it was that Banjo
used to make em appear.
Check out all spare tires, boat trailer spares, wheel bearing
grease, Boom Box/CD players, etc PRIOR to the trip!!! Make sure we
get Jake's XM player and power cord and Buck's antenna
Get more fresh lemons for tartar sauce and fish fry but make sure
Jake and Pole make their special tartar sauce and that Pole brings
the recipe
So, boys, there you have it. Now, wasn't it worth waiting for? It
was yet another successful trip despite less than stellar fishing
but who really gives a rat?s ass bout that anyway? Bottom line, we
are all truly blessed to have reasonably good health, wonderful
families, and despite our advancing age, be at a place in our lives
where we can truly enjoy each other's company. It is almost beyond
comprehension that a group of guys can continue doing something we
love so much for so long, do it so well, without major problems
(other than questionable footwear and endless flatulence), and still
want to come back for more year after year. The almost spiritual
beauty of Lake Powell is exceeded only by the boundless joy of good
friends!!!
See you in 2013, God willing!!!!!! Thank the good Lord for
wonderful things, All in Moderation but beware of Flying Wallinski?s!!!!
Love, Buck
