We’ve always been told that
anything worth doing is worth waiting for . . . or something like
that. Well, that certainly applies to the annual LPLT Epilogue,
this year featuring highlights of the 39th annual
excursion to one of the most sacred places on the planet. I’m often
asked why I wait so long to do it. And, my answer is . . . anybody
could do it while it’s fresh in their mind, but it takes a true
professional to do it almost a year later. Actually the truth is it
really get’s me in the mood to go and I don’t dare start too early.
Well, it’s either that or I just realize none of you old farts can
remember whether I’m makin anything up or not, but, either way, it
is a profound privilege to use the meager talents that God has given
me, to try and capture priceless and precious memories of a group
that have become so much more than friends and are eloquent
testimony to the long held adage that, “We have to grow old but we
NEVER have to grow up”!!!!
Here goes, Bassholes . . .
Saturday, April 18, 2015
I awake feeling remarkably refreshed from a
good night’s sleep, only to gaze over at the clock and discover,
with much consternation, shit, it’s only 1:45am. I toss and turn
but, at the same time, smile and think to myself, “I’m goin fishin”,
and realize what a truly lucky old fart I am . . . and what an
equally lucky bunch of old farts I’m gonna hook up with in the next
few days to celebrate the 39th edition of LPLT. At
4:27am, I leap from bed to shower, s#*t, shave and finish packing.
I also manage to get Ginners up for the drive to the airport and
text Pole and Banjo to see if they’re up. I get an almost immediate
reply from Pole, saying, “Late again, numb nuts”. At 4:57 Banjo
texts, “What’s the holdup”? As I put the last bit of stuff in the
suitcase I realize that, despite my commitment to cut back this
year, I am probably over the 50 lb weight. Oh well, f#*k em if they
can’t take a joke. By 5:20 we are rollin to Banjo’s house. There is
a beautiful moon and it’s already 50 degrees, probably the nicest
day we’ve had in 6 months, as it’s been a bitch of a winter in the
Great Lakes. We pick up Banjo uneventfully and arrive at Pole’s
casa at 5:40. Remarkably, he is sitting on the porch, claiming he’s
ready to go (which, in Pole terms means, he’ll only fiddle fart
around for about 10 minutes before he’s in the vehicle and the door
closed). True to form at 5:50, we finally shove off and enjoy the
coffee and a few of the cookies Ginners brought along for us. Part
of the price we pay for Ginners’ goodies and chauffeuring is plenty
of back seat driving advice. The boys all manage to pretty well
ignore all of that and we arrive at the airport at 6:45. As I
suspected I am 3 lbs overweight on my bag. I take my shaving kit
out and put it in Banjo’s bag. That makes mine weigh in at 49.5 and
Banjo’s at 49.3. Pole’s bag registers at 40.0 which marks the first
time since puberty that Pole has been the lightest at anything!!!!
By some miracle we all have TSA Pre-Select and we breeze through
security by 7:10am. By another miracle, Pole has made it all the
way through security without A) losing anything, or B) having to
take a dump. We make our way to Gate D1, and find we actually do
have Pole Nuts this year. However, he says they’re not very good.
Before we can actually try them both Banjo and Flagman run to the
shi#*er and I get some more coffee. I also send a text to Wayne,
saying Pole wants to know if the beer is iced for the ride from the
airport to town. Quickly I get a reply from Wayne saying he just
took his early am constitutional and, NO Pole, he has not yet put
either ice cube on the beer. I also leave a voice mail for Doo,
wondering if he is going to meet us at the airport. We board the
plane on time at 8:40 and finally sample the Pole Nuts. He was
right about one thing, they are not worth a drizzling s@*t as they
are burned. Pole says he was afraid of that as he was multi-tasking
and the smoke alarm went off as they were cooking. I tell Banjo,
“Pole’s definition of multi-tasking is: I forgot what I was
supposed to do next”. However, the good news is that Megan, the
Flight Nurse, claims they have “plenty” of vodka. We’ll see about
that. At 9:24 we are wheels up. By 10:05 Megan finally quits
fiddle farting around and delivers our first 6 Bloody Mary’s . . .
all is right with the world – especially since Pole actually buys.
For the record, Banjo is drunk. Pole is sitting behind us and he is
boring his old lady seat mate to tears with some kind of meaningless
drivel. Banjo is reading a book, on his iPad . . . about the guy
who invented the iPad. Which is rather ironic as I’m about to cut a
giant fart . . . by the guy who pretty much invented the fart. At
11:07 we order 6 more BM’s. By now we’re all borracho and the rest
of the flight is uneventful, either that or I passed out. At 10:15
MDT we land in Denver. We text Wayne to let him know it’s time to
think about icing the beer. At 11am we board the flight for
Durango. At 11:30 we’re wheel’s up and it is far too rough to serve
drinks. Thank God as we don’t need anymore right now and we all nap
for rest of the flight. We touch down in God’s Country at 12:50.
Good Ole Wayneo is there to meet us. It is 39 degrees and cloudy as
we leave the airport and head to Goddard’s kids place south of town
to pick up the boat. It is obvious the boat has not been used since
we had it last year. We notice that the trailer tires are bald and
decide what we can get Lee as a thank you gift this year. We hook
it up and head for the dealership. When we get there we say “Howdy”
to Life Partner “4 Leaf Clover” Murphy. We start cleaning up the
boat and getting stuff out of inventory. Me and Banjo and Pole
decide we’d better be nice to “4 Leaf” and start calling him
“Shamrock” instead, in case Wayne retires one of these days as we’ll
still need to leave all our shit in the Parts Dep’t at Murpharts Car
Lot. We then kill some time in Wayne’s office and he gives us an
FLC Skyhawks cap courtesy of “Bear” Hunter. Thanks mucho Bear!!!!
At 3:15 we head over to Ska for a beer and some wings, dip and
chips. Kinda helps to put some protein on top of the Bloody’s. At
4pm we head to town and pick up our take out order at the Tai Food
Place. We also stop at Albertson’s to pick up some Tonic and
Cranberry Juice. Banjo also runs over to the Liquor Store to get
some Glenlivet. At 4:45 we arrive at Mudhouse Ruins. Sunni is, as
always, thrilled to see us. She looks great and we love her short
hair. We enjoy some cocktails and vino and at 6pm we dine on the
Tai food which is quite good, despite the fact that they screwed up
our order. After dinner we all sit in the Living Room and solve
most of the world’s problems. Banjo let’s us know Jake has sent an
email wondering why it is so quiet today. Hmmm, I wonder????
Pretty quickly I excuse myself and, Nite nite bassholes at 9pm.
Think I may have been asleep before my head hit the pillow.
Sunday, April 19, 2015
Up at 5:22 and must have overslept as Wayne has
already started the coffee. Then I see that Banjo is also already
up and realize I have definitely overslept. You don’t have to go on
nearly 39 or so of these trips to realize that there is ONE distinct
advantage to being up early . . . let’s just say it has a lot to do
with the freshness of the Democrat Birthing Station. Pole finally
staggers up at 7:00. By 7:15 Sunni and Wayne are out for a walk.
It is nice outside but pretty chilly. At 8:30 we depart to
Farmington. After Wayne takes us on a new route we ultimately find
Buck’s Pancake House. It is a step back in time that never seems to
change one iota. But, the grease is as good as ever. We depart to
Safeway and get some water for the house and then on to Sam’s for
bulk groceries. We are in and out of Sam’s in record time due
Buck’s outstanding List organization. When we get to the register,
Wayne pulls the “Oh I forgot the Trip Cash” trick. We all tell him,
tuff stuff, you’d better start digging. He crawls into a place in
his wallet seldom visited and pulls out a stash of $50 bills. I’m
pretty sure this tight ass has been hiding these bills since Big Ed
gave them to him for graduating from Ft Lewis. We also stop by Best
Buy so Banjo can buy some technology he doesn’t need. Why would he
do this, you ask. The only possible answer is, “I dunno”. We are
back at Mudhouse by 12:45. Pole and I work on the Biscuits to
individual bags, which is one of the better tricks we have learned
over the years, so on B & Gravy day we have a couple dozen
individual biscuits rather than one giant one. Banjo is working on
a new tackle box. Try to watch the Bristol race, which is in a rain
delay, while Wayne and Pole work on supper. Tigers win, Rockies get
trounced (Wayne has a very bad attitude about his team), and race
rained out. At 4:30 cocktail hour starts. At 5 the Wienks, Jeffi,
Jen, and Sancho arrive. Samina is definitely the queen of the
ball!!!!! We have dinner 6ish with tons of laughs. All the kids
have to depart and the boys enjoy some Port and chocolate after
dinner and begin anew on more of world’s problems. At 9:20 I say
nite nite. The other 3 stay up and rumor has it Wayne and Banjo
peter themselves.
Monday, April 20, 2015
It’s 4-20 Day in Colorado. Rumor has it that
420 was originally the penal code section number for Marijuana use
in California, but the term has taken on a new life of it’s own in
Colorado with the state law changes. I’m confident there will be
massive celebrations state wide. Up at 5:30 and start the coffee.
By 6 everyone is up. It’s a little cloudy and 37 degrees. We head
to town and arrive at Bread at 7:40 as Wayne has an accident in his
britches. Run into Rob and bust his Pelotas about the downtown
location. The boy does an impressive Claude Lemieux Turtle
impression. To the dealership at 8:10, check inventory (not sure
for what) and head to Wally World for . . . I Dunno!!!! We do buy a
new fish basket and some Dish Towels to replace the ones that Wayne
took home to launder a year ago and . . . poof!! Back to
dealership, vacuum the boat, and charge the batteries. Off to the
Woody Hayes Liquor Store and meet the Ohio Hate guy for community
booze. He’s still a little red assed that Sparty whipped his
Bucknut ass last year by 10. Back to the dealership at 11. At
11:20 Luther and Ponch arrive, missing Knock who has flown to
Durango this year and is staying with Whipple. Luther and Wayne go
do paperwork for the new truck Luther is buying. Apparently Wayne
is paying for his trip thru Dependable Drywall this year. Ponch
sporting some new whiskers look this year but guessing he still
hasn’t acquired a taste for the finer things such as mustard and
green chile. Off to Gaspachos at 12:30 where Freeb, Knock, Whipple,
Jake, and Shamrock join us. Good to see Jake, know we’re gonna miss
him this year but apparently Grace has said he can’t come out and
play. Gaspachos does not disappoint. My God this is outstanding
Northern New Mexican food . . . which is the way God meant for
Mexican food to taste!!! Head to dealership but take Banjo to meet
Stink to determine the future of Apple stock for decades to come.
It’s gotten windy and cold, hope it isn’t like this, Or Dare!!!! At
3pm off to City Market. Thanks to Whipple’s magic with aisle
numbers on each item of the grocery list(sure wish Banjo could have
come up with an idea like this) we are in and out in 35 minutes.
The task of grocery shopping for 10 men for 5 days proves far easier
than keeping track of Freebie hitting on little old ladies in every
aisle. Back to dealership at 3:45, get all the stuff out of
inventory, everything loaded in coolers and boxes and loaded into
boats. We all enjoy a community beer or two and at 4:45 Wally rolls
in, saying something about WiFi and needing to call Cindy . . .
Banjo you’re up. At 6 we head for home. On Wildcat Canyon some
asshole in a White Ford Truck comes across the center line right at
us. Wayne does a spectacular job of defensive driving and saving
our lives. Pole shits his pants. Cocktails taste particularly good
after just cheating death. Tigers win, Rockies get pounded (Wayne’s
attitude continues downward spiral), and to bed at 9:20
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Well, miracle of miracles, the Sleep Meter has
finally reached ZERO!!!! I toss and turn till 4am, when I get up
and find that Weeuh has already started the coffee. We pack all the
food and trip beer in coolers and head for town at 5:06 and 38
degrees. We get to dealership at 5:30 and start hooking up the
fishing boats. Don is already here, a new record in the recorded
history of the annals of humanity. At 5:40 Stink arrives and Jon
Boy and Ponch at 5:42. At 5:45 I send a text to Wally saying,
“TODAY”. By 5:59 Wally and Whipple, bringing Knock, finally pull
in. We load up and go wheel’s up at 6:02 Hard to believe this is
the 39th trip for Wayne and Buck(although Buck did miss
in 83 and 88). We also laugh about how funny it used to be to joke
about making this trip with the boys in wheelchairs, walkers, oxygen
bottles, etc, etc. Too bad that s*$t ain’t near as funny as it used
to be!!! At 7:06 we renew the tradition of first beer to quench the
parch at the Lewis turnoff. We’re also reminded of our old Pal
Jasper who would say at this time, “This beer, right here, is the
best beer I’ve ever had in my whole life”. Rest in Peace Amigo – we
miss you!!!! We roll into Dove Creek at 7:30 for breakfast at what
is now called Deb’s Diner, although it is identical to the former
Blue Mountain Café. In fact, we think the same old blisters are
still working there as 38 years ago. We make our nurse take Pole’s
order first and turn it in before even getting anyone coffee. She
replies, “I think I remember this from last year”. She is a smart
young lady and the strategy works again as Pole is just finishing up
when the rest of us were walking out. Some times we actually have
to drive a stake in the ground next to him to measure whether he’s
moving or not. We’re off and “Welcome to Utah – Life Elevated” at
8:40. Roll into Maverick station at 9:00 for fuel and some ice for
beer for the boys who weren’t organized earlier. Benefit of lower
gas prices is obvious as we get out of there for only $120 for 3
vehicles and 2 Boats. Oh, did I mention that we only have 2 fishing
boats for 10 guys this year?? I claim to be very happy about this
as it gives many of us a good excuse to not have to fish so much,
but the truth is I’m just trying to take the heat off “Short
Arms/Deep Pockets” Jimmy Wayne, who is too cheap to pay Jake’s buddy
to use his boat again this year. As we start to leave the gas
station Luther rubs some paint off one of the barriers onto Stink’s
boat. He tries to lay it off that “it’s not as bad as Wallstreet
did to Reggae’s boat”. By 9:15 we’re rollin again and stop at the
big Tin Building south of Blanding. We sure do appreciate whoever
is paying the property taxes on this dump to provide a great piss
stop. At 9:45 we leave civilization and pass the 74 mile sign,
where we celebrate another awesome tradition with playing of “The
Electric Horseman”. It never ceases to amaze me how good that beer
tastes and how overwhelmed I am, year after year, at the spectacular
beauty of this stretch of road. We make the obligatory piss stop at
the 46 mile turnoff and water the cedar and pinion trees. We do the
annual “Bassholes” picture and hate that it’s too hazy to see
Monument Valley. At 11:40 and 68 degrees we arrive at the Hall’s
Dock to start unloading stuff and launch the fishing boats. Stink,
Knock and Wayne take off at Noon to go to Bullfrog and get the
Houseboat. Rest of us tell some lies, drink some beer and bask in
the glory of being back. Banjo fishes off the end of the dock and
catches a 6” Smallie . . . he is already one fish ahead of last
year’s trip . . . but who’s counting?? At 2pm Captain Knock returns
with HB and we load up stuff and head north. Buckwheat’s all around
as Stink and Banjo take off on their scouting trip. At 3pm we enter
Moki Canyon and at 3:45 start tying up at a spot that looks very
familiar except that it has more firewood than any spot we’ve ever
seen. By 4:45 we are all tied down, cocktail hour and dinner prep
has begun and it is absolutely beautiful out. At 6:30 we dine on
Night 1 tradition Green Chile Cheeseburgers, Freeb beans, and
salad. It is all mucho bueno despite Luther bitching about his
burger being undercooked . . . hey, asswipe, a little cow blood
never hurt anybody!!!! Freeb and Luther tackle the dishes and Banjo
lights a camp fire, which doesn’t last long as nite nite beats dark
by a skosh (which I realize is not really a word but, back in
Kansas, it means “just a little”) at 8:30pm. I have no idea if
Willie and Ole Trigger played Stardust or not!!!!
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Luther is up at 5:56 am to start the generator
and coffee pot. Apparently it rained last night but it sure didn’t
bother me. At 7pm Stink’s boat takes off with Buck and Luther along
to give him a lesson. We start out across the main channel in the
flats and then head up river to Hanson’s Creek. Buck catches
several with 2 really nice Smallies (gonna be a photo op for sure
this year). Stink says one weighs 4.2 and the other 6.7. I have no
idea if that’s grams, pounds, ounces or WTF and guess it doesn’t
matter as he is making it up anyway. We’re in at 11. Reportedly
Knock, Pole, and Wallstreet went out for a bit but caught nothing.
Wayne is working on the Omelet and I do some biscuits while Luther
does the Hash browns. This takes most of the day as Gator Arms
Wayne made Luther take his gas grille back home and get it out of
the Parts Dept storage. We have no idea why but apparently it has
something to do with the Minimalist Vow Wayne has made since his boy
Odumbo got elected POTUS. As for why he has done this . . . “I
Dunno”. Personally I would vote to bring back the gas grille but
since I long ago took my own vow to NEVER criticize anything Wayne
does I just decide to keep that to myself. Actually the food is, as
always, exceptional. Naps around at 11:55. Up from nap at 2pm and
work on cleaning chicken breasts and start Bruschetta. All
fishermen back in by 3:15. Apparently the fishing sucks. I
discover that Pole has used cocktail ice cubes for beer cooler ice
and thrash him thoroughly. I try to explain why and Wayne, in his
best Johnny Cochran “if it doesn’t fit you must acquit” impression,
represents Pole and demands that the HB Rules be published in the
Official Recap. SEE THE EPILOUGE SUMMARY FOR DETAILS. Meanwhile,
Freeb and Wallstreet work on stuffing the Blue Cheese Olives. Freeb
asks me to observe to make sure they are following the recipe. It
appears they are but then Wallstreet offers up some b/s about using
Feta Cheese instead. Wayne says it’s probably better for you and I
state that I’m sure it is since it doesn’t taste nearly as good!!
Knock, Luther, and Wayne play 15-2, 15-4, 15-6 and a Run is 12, and
If Your Aunt Had Balls She’d Be Your Uncle. That may not actually
be the official name of the game but it’s good enough for me. We
listen to a little Roy D. “By God” Mercer and someone says his stuff
is as memorable as the stink on an outhouse corncob (I really don’t
want to know anymore). For appetizers we have Buck’s Bruschetta on
Olive Bread. Damn, we could make some money selling this stuff!!!
At 7:00 Night 2 Chicken Ore House and Lake Powell Casserole, both
with Red Chile (unless you’re named Ponch) and salad are served.
Esta Mucho Bueno again!!! After dinner Banjo and Pole work on
trying to hook up the iPad to play videos on HB TV. After failing
miserably at that, we play 2 rounds of Cards Against Humanity, while
Freeb, who has very successfully petered himself, passes out at
8pm. The final score of CAH is Buck 6, Luther 5, and everyone else
1 or 2 except for Wayne who has 0. He claims we must have been
using the Republican Version. We drink some Port and enjoy
chocolate before Nite, Nite at 9:45.
Thursday, April 23, 2015
Generator fires to life at 5:51. It is a
gorgeous day which is kind of unusual since it’s not yet “go home”
day. By the way, have I mentioned that we are actually a week
earlier than the week we have historically gone for many years???
Why, you ask . . . I Dunno. Well, actually it has something to do
with Wayne planning a trip to Egypt, or Africa, or Portugal, or some
damn place. All I know is it must be a real bargain spot if he’s
going. At 7:30 Stink takes Denny and Wallstreet . . . oops, I mean
“Cleat” out fishing. Cindy would be very proud of him. Gradually
Wayne, Pole, Banjo and Freeb stagger up. We have an APB out for the
hand lotion. We think it and the box of Kleenex are probably next
to Ponch’s bunk . . .ooohhhh!!!!!! At 8:45, Banjo, Wayne, and Pole
venture out fishing. Buck and Luther begin prep of the Breakfast
Burritos . . . another very unfortunate casualty of Grace not
letting Jake come out to play. Meanwhile, Freeb finally finds the
measuring spoons and commences to make his world famous Lake Powell
Bloody Mary’s. Editors Note: Actually when one adds Beef Broth the
concoction becomes a Bloody Bull, but please, don’t anybody tell him
or it might send the boy over the edge. Anyway, they are damned
good Freeb, especially with Blue Cheese Stuffed Olives. At 9:45
Banjo boat back in to tie down stuff on the top of the HB as it’s
getting very windy in the back of the Canyon. While there, Wayne
states that yesterday, apparently in an effort to avoid a re-run of
the “Fall Up the Stairs Act of 2014”, he had only one beer,
one Bloody, and a little Port. I told him I wouldn’t admit that to
anyone but also said that if we added yesterday’s Wayne and Freeb
together and divided by 2 we’d still have a border line alcoholic.
Hey, just callin em as I sees em. We finally get all the Burrito
stuff cooked and have managed to get virtually every vessel and
utensil in the kitchen dirty. Undaunted, Freeb dives in to clean up
everything. This is going to be a big job but reckon he’s still
shaking enough from last night that drying stuff is going to be a
breeze. At 10:20 Luther and I finally complete assembly of 36
Breakfast Burritos and start warming up Freeb’s Green Chile. Buck
takes a shower and notes this is the best shower and shower pressure
we’ve ever had before, a very welcome change!!!! At 11:05 Banjo
Boat back in. Reportedly he got on a Hillary the C rant and tore up
the new fish basket in the prop. Naturally all the fish in it got
loose. At 11:30 Stink Boat in. We all begin talking about Jake,
starting with how much we miss him and Grace’s Burritos. However,
the conversation quite easily slides right into the invention of
Lake Powell Tartar Sauce, Plastic Poisoning, Speaking in Tongues,
and other assorted favorite Jake stories. To which Stink states
“I’m NEVER going to miss one of these trips . . . cause if they talk
about you like this when you were here . . . Reckon What They Say
When You’re Not??”. We dine on the pretend Bkfst Burritos and Ponch
decides he’s going to man up and actually try a little Green Chile
on one. However, he quickly proves he’s just a giant pussy as he
claims it tastes like burning flesh. He has to throw the whole
thing away and start over again. So far, the fishing has been
pretty good with mostly Smallies, a few Largemouth, and some really
nice Crappies. Banjo had one very nice Walleye in the basket but
the Hillary incident provided the Governor’s midnight pardon to
him. Up after nap at 2:15. It’s getting cooler and breezy. We
actually have to put another layer of clothes on. At 3:45 Banjo,
Luther, and Ponch out fishing. By 4:15 Stink is in as Wayne had to
give birth to another Democrat. I begin prep of the Buckloin for
tomorrow night and Stink and Pole clean some fish in the kitchen.
By 5:15 Banjo Boat in and he claims to still be a fish catchin m/f.
Cocktail hour commences and Buck peters Pole with a Buckwheat, which
he’s chasing with an IPA . . . sounds perfectly dreadful. Stink
prepares his world famous Posole. At 7 we dine on Night 3 Posole,
Frijoles, Green Chile and Tortillas. I mean, seriously, we could
REALLY make some money on these delicacies!!!! Pole has me make him
another Buckwheat, and the petering continues. And, speaking of
petering, for the love of God, where the hell is Raggae??? I mean
there is at least a couple swallows of VO left, and Lord knows
Wallstreet needs constant supervision. And apparently the footing
on the gang plank is very good this year as there are no chalk lines
on the beach. Seriously, you little Fart, we miss ya!!!! At 8pm we
play a Ron White CD. It is another beautiful night, except it seems
to be getting a little cooler each night. At 9:30 I go to bed.
Apparently shortly after that the remaining awake juveniles see a
mouse in the HB. Banjo tries going hand to hand with him and gets
his ass kicked. After that the boys set a trap with chocolate and
“reportedly” caught him. Also, reportedly I snored through the
whole thing. Nite Nite Bassholes.
Friday, April 24, 2015
Generator fires to life at 5:54. At 7:30 Stink
needs another fishing lesson and takes me and Freeb out for said
tutoring. We go to Hall’s Creek Bay. I try my cell phone and get a
signal to call Gaga. All is well at home, which is always a relief
to hear. Shortly Freeb breaks his cherry and catches the dumbest
fish in the lake. Now, everyone on the trip this year has caught at
least one. An unofficial poll seems to indicate that Banjo, after
being skunked last year, is this year’s leading angler. There are
also numerous complaints from the clients in his boat that he never
lets anyone else catch one. I reckon the trophy he will get will
have about the same numeric value as his first wedding ring
currently has. Shortly Stink catches a giant, very black Crappie.
Editor’s Note: We debated about nicknaming him “Barrack” but decide
against it since he hasn’t bowed to any Muslim Kings, and we might
want to actually eat him. We’re back in by 10:15 as Buck begins
prep of Biscuits and Gravy (the individual freezing of Biscuits in
sandwich bags worked perfectly as we have 24 of them versus one
giant one). The boys love the annual Biscuits and Gravy breakfast
and Luther’s Over Easy Eggs and Chile Verde. Naps begin at 12:30.
At 2:30 Knock, Wayne, and Ponch take off for HC Bay. Pole makes
Lake Powell Tartar Sauce in Jake’s honor, for tonight’s fish fry.
Takes him about an hour and a half for what is normally a 15 minute
recipe. Stink reports that he’s fished out and cocktails commence
at 4:15. Surprisingly, Pole does not want me to make him another
Buckwheat. At 6:15 we dine on the scrumptious Buckloin appetizer,
which is still, near as any of us can remember, a near orgasmic
experience. We decide to do the sacred Sparky/Jasper toast and,
honestly, it gets emotionally heavier every year. Not sure anybody
outside our group would actually understand, but we also agree that
all of us are younger than anyone else our age. It must surely have
to do with the age defying impact of this sacred place. At 7:15
Buck makes Chicken Salad for tomorrow, and Knock starts to cook the
fish. He does a fabulous job despite the fact that the HB has
listed to one side about 2.5 degrees. We definitely need to get a
level HB next year!!! The fish is excellent and the LP Tartar Sauce
is the best any of us has ever had. It might have something to do
with the libations. At 8:30 we have a spectacular bonfire before
entering into a WAY too political discussion. We all agree we need
to avoid those in the future and stick to fishing, football, dicky
dunkin, etc, etc. After all, we do believe in the 1st
Amendment and the fact that everyone is fully entitled to their own
opinion, even if Wayne is wrong!!! Nite Nite boys at 9:45.
Saturday, April 25, 2015
The most dreaded day of the year begins at 5:52
with the generator on. Naturally it is the best am of the trip and
by 6:15 the line to the Shi#*er is 4 deep. Wallstreet, better go
get your stick!!!! It did rain last night around 3:30 and there was
a bunch of scrambling up top. I begin making 30 sandwiches, 3 sans
Mustard for Pussket. At 7:07 Captain Knock backs the HB out in a
decent rain storm. Banjo and Stink have adorned their rain suits
for the drive back to Hall’s Dock. The rest of us begin the process
of packing everything and, as usual, the group functions efficiently
and quietly, like a well oiled machine. When I can get a signal I
call home and, again, glad to hear all is well. We return to Hall’s
Dock by 8:10 and unload. HB heads back to Bullfrog at 8:30.
Getting stuff off the HB did see a casualty as Stink dumped the 30+
year Library off the dock and into the Lake. Why, you say, would he
do that? Naturally the answer is . . . I Dunno!!!! We did save the
plastic bin but, Oh Well, the fish will enjoy the views and Wayne
will be greatly relieved that this spectacular reading material will
no longer be in the Part’s Dept inventory. Thankfully Wallstreet
and I get a ride from some Good Samaritan up to the parking lot to
fetch the vehicles and boat trailers. We have no idea what his name
was, I just call him “Angel”. By 10:01 we are wheel’s up back to
Durango for the drive that is still scenic but not nearly as
majestic as it was 4 short days ago. It is 46 degrees on Cedar Mesa
with still a light rain. We wonder why, 30 years ago, we used to
run out of beer on this trip and now we take home more than we
bring. Guess it’s just a miracle. Gas stop in Dove Creek and Banjo
takes over behind the wheel. Wayne takes time to check his
Smartphone and suddenly announces (he thinks to the World) that
Bruce Jenner is now a Woman. The rest of us just think we have
found the last remaining dinosaur on the planet when he then asks,
“Who the hell are the Kardashians”??? Hey, you just can’t make up
shit like this!! We arrive back in Durango by 2:15 and its 47
degrees with a light rain. Hugs and kisses all around and promises
of “see ya next year”, which we seriously mean but never take for
granted. However, the food, booze, laughter, frivolity, and
camaraderie has been nothing short of spectacular. We seriously
missed Jake, Reggae, Doo, Deuce, et al but, Lake Powell, we love you
and we realize just how blessed we have all been to have gotten to
know you – and each other – over these last 39 years. Until we meet
again . . . Via Con Dias Mi Amigos!!!!
2015 LPLT Epilogue Summary, Observations, and Lessons Learned
OK, first up, here are the Official Lake Powell Luxury Tours
Houseboat Rules:
·
Block Ice is strictly for Beer Coolers and Cubed Ice EXCLUSIVELY for
Cocktail Ice, NO EXCEPTIONS
·
Never listen to Wallstreet when he claims the Shitter is FULL. Make
him get his autograph model stick and push it down the drain
·
Never, EVER, listen to Wayne when he wants to cut back on ANYTHING,
Again NO EXCEPTIONS
·
And finally: 1) never trust a fart, 2) never pass up a chance to
pee, and 3) never waste a stiffy
The water was up 16 feet from last year. The weather may have been
the best we’ve ever had as we had no serious wind at all. We only
had a little rain on the last night. And, the week earlier time
frame worked out well also
We seriously need to look into the cost and logistics of a Satellite
Phone, for peace of mind and security. After all, we ain’t getting
any younger
The Houseboat also performed virtually flawlessly but they owed us
after the POS Party Boat we had last year. The shower was, by far,
the best we’ve ever had
The Fish Fry was a huge success on Friday night and the Lake Powell
Tartar Sauce was also the best ever . . . Sorry, Jake, you’re out .
. . but we still want you and Grace’s food to come back!!!
Actually the 2 Fishing Boats worked out very well. Definitely not
worth $500 for another one
Basic menu still works great. Olive Bread for Brushcetta was a very
good solution. Need to make sure we have everything for Jake’s
Tartar Sauce, and, make sure we get DILL relish and not sweet
relish. Do not let Wayne sneak in any Seltzer Water as we never
came close to opening that swill. Also, the boys really liked the
Herdes Red Salsa and ate twice as much of it as the green stuff.
And, if Jake brings the Breakfast Burritos, 4 to 5 dozen eggs is
enough
Make sure we get our Dish Towels back from Wayne’s house. And,
we’ve also got to again replace the Fish Basket that got mixed up
with H the C
Moki continues to be the destination of choice for its beauty and
convenience.
Sending Mr Whipple the grocery list in advance, to have him put
aisle numbers on the City Market items works perfectly. Banjo,
don’t know why you didn’t come up with that idea years ago.
We definitely need 3 Half Gallons of Famous Grouse next year but one
LG Cranberry Juice was just about right. The GLC boys greatly
appreciated Wayne providing the Community Booze. We sure did get
lucky on a hockey bet as no mortal hockey team should be able to
beat the AvNots coached by Paddy Wah, the Wife Beater. And, a huge
thanks, as always to Luther for the Famous Grouse, Bailey’s,
Chocolates, and all the countless other extra stuff he always
brings!!.
The individual sandwich bags for keeping the biscuits from all
freezing together is brilliant!!!
So, boys, there you have it. Now, wasn't it worth waiting for? We
certainly did miss Jake, Reggae, Deuce and Doo this year and do hope
they will make their way back to us next year. This trip is always
spectacular but when any of our pals are missing they do leave a
hole that’s never adequately filled. ‘Mon back boys!!!!! Bottom
line, we are all truly blessed to have reasonably good health,
wonderful families, and despite our advancing age, be at a place in
our lives where we can truly enjoy each other's company. It is
almost beyond comprehension that a group of guys can continue doing
something we love so much for so long, do it so well, without major
problems (other than questionable footwear, overpriced eyewear, and
endless flatulence), and still want to come back for more year after
year. The almost spiritual beauty of Lake Powell is exceeded only
by the boundless joy of good friends!!! Stay Healthy mi Amigos!!!!
See you in 2016 for Number 40, God willing!!!!!! Thank the good
Lord for our manifold blessings and Watch that First Step!!!!!!!
Love, Buck
