Saturday, April 12, 2008

 12:11pm and Buckwheat, Banjo, and Flagman depart from the BGA House for the airport, with the Doo promising to come out of hiding and meet us at the airport - we'll see about that!!  At 1:35pm, without incident along the way, the 3 of us arrive at our favorite watering hole just across the way from our gate.  It seems like déjà vu all over again, as we get the same table, in the same bar, looking at the same TV and the Tiger game on, with the same ole Blister Wench serving our libations.  Remarkably she remembers (or at least claims to) the fine art of Buckwheat making.  And, actually, just as we remember, they are quite tasty.  Even more remarkably, at 2:05pm, the Doo actually shows up, and, true to his pledge, orders up a tonic and lime (that shit will definitely rust your pipes, but, good for the Doo to at least start out sober, a feat I can honestly say I've never even thought of attempting in my 33 years on this trip).  We board the plane, again without incident as we didn't dare trying to sneak cocktails on the plane since everyone at United Airlines remembers us from last year when the Pole ratted us out.  At 3:05pmCDT, we order our 3rd round of double Buckwheats on the plane.  Now, here's the best part of all.  Ole Banjo falls asleep and Buckwheat steals his vodka - yes, there is a God!!!  At 4:49MDT we arrive, without incident, at Stapleton Intl and head directly to the Cantina for Burritos and Cervezas, some traditions are just too good not to continue.  The new B Gates and the new Regional Jets are very nice, except for a 35 minute delay due to a weight distribution problem (apparently the Doo forgot to eliminate the Burrito and all the pipe rustin stuff he had been consuming).  We finally lift off at 7:08pm, MDT and the ole Buckeraoo is crushed when Lisa, the otherwise seemingly rational Stew Person, denies the assistance of a highly qualified Asst Flight Attendant in serving cocktails.  However, she did do a nice job of bringing 2 more rounds of double Buckwheats.  Unfortunately, Banjo didn't fall asleep this time.  At 7:46pm we land in Durango and we are immediately impressed with the snow pack on the LaPlatas, compared to 2007.  Lady Luck smiled on us again as Deadeye was right where he was supposed to be, with his wig hat on again, and a well supplied cooler in the truck.  He even brought some skanky cerveza for the Pole, but, unfortunately forgot a bottle opener.  No problem for the Pole as he just bit the top off!!  We arrive at the Morehart Casa only to find that Sunni Jane is MIA, something about a Georgia O'Keefe art show (like we're supposed to know who that is - actually I think she just made that up so she wouldn't have to deal with the 5 of us - can't say I blame her).  However, we did enjoy a wonderful, relaxing time under the stars, enjoying another cocktail and sitting around the chiminea and, yes, Buckwheat did have the flames leaping out of it about 5 feet.  To bed at 10:45MDT.

 

Sunday, April 13, 2008

 We're up at 6am, and playing with the 2 kitties, Gris and Grande.  They were actually in a bit of a pissie mood due to lack of sleep, as they spent the night in the garage but could still hear the Pole snoring all night.  At 8:30 we depart of Farmington, arriving around 9:10 only to discover that Sam's Club don't open till 10am.  No problem, we find a pretty decent greasy spoon named Buck's Pancake Village.  They should have named it Custer's Last Stand as there ain't been more Indians in one place since Little Big Horn.  However, the chow ain't bad so we now have another NEW tradition.  We make it back to Sam's, pick up all our bulk provisions and back at Deadeye's casa by Noon.  It's a great TV day as the Master's is on.  The Doo takes a nap and Deadeye goes for a bike ride.  Sunni Jane arrives home at 2pm, just slightly beyond thrilled to see us!!!  At 3pm, Buckwheat and Flagpole are entrusted to throw together a Deadeye recipe for Green Chili/Round Steak Stew, which is positively delightful.  At 6pm the Girls all come out and Jen enjoys her first Buckwheat - welcome to the team, Jen.  We enjoy a delightful dinner and, due to Sunni's presence, we also sit around a chiminea with a fire that is barely detectable.  At 8:45, it's light's out - gettin old Folks!!!

 

Monday, April 14, 2008

 Up at 5:10 and start the coffee.  Wake up the boys at 6, and Flagman can't figure out why the paint is peeling off the walls.  The cats are still pissed.  Off to the Dealership at 7:15.  We renew another tradition of lying to Marvin, and unpacking our boxes of shipped stuff and taking the annual inventory of LPLT gear stored in the Parts Dept.  We are quite perturbed that Kelly Black has decided to fill up the Parts Dept with . . . Parts, leaving us barely enough room to spread out all our good shit.  We need to talk to Deadeye about all the money he is wasting on all these Parts - either that or he's going to have to build a new Wing for the LPLT inventory.  We're off to the Bakery at 9:30 for $80 worth of Bread.  Great to see Jeffi, in her element again and God is that stuff good.  We also continue to marvel about all the healthy people around that Bakery.  They're all wearing funny clothes (although none of em have pretty pink spandex like our leader) and shoes and riding bikes (no wonder Deadeye can't make any money).  In Detroit all their customers would tip in over 3 bills and be driving up in rust buckets and trying to buy day old bread with food stamps.  At 10am we're off to Brother Goddard's place to once again borrow his boat - apparently that Boy never learns.  While there we get a call from Stink that he has just cheated death after being run off the road coming back from Farmington.  Apparently he has been at the Farmington Airport, putting his lady friend on an airplane following a "home game" excursion weekend (now we know why Freebie got kicked out).  We are relieved that Stink is OK, following this near disaster, and are quite sure that Deadeye will never ask to borrow that pair of under britches for his head.  We then head to Wal Mart to bunch more shit that we don't need but, hey, we're trying to do our part to stimulate the local economy.  At 11:45 Luther and Knicker Knocker arrive after driving down from the Mile High.  We are all famished and can already taste the chow at Gaspacho's.  We arrive there only to find that they are closed to de-grease the walls.  Deadeye suggests an alternative named Tequilas' on Main.  In a word is was:  awful.  We head to Brown's Shoe Store to buy some new Keen's.  We have a wonderful young lady salesperson and I ask her if I get a discount because I know Jim Morehart.  She claims to know him and knocks off 10%.  Deadeye is pissed as he has never gotten a discount.  Sometimes it is who you know.  We also stop by Hogans cause Pole wants' to buy a new belt.  Was great to see Mickey and Jimmy Hogan again.  They run into the back and quickly sew two 50 year old belts together and tell the Pole they've got one that will fit him perfectly.  We then stop by 2 liquor stores to buy beer and port and some vino for Sunni.  At 3:00, right on time, we arrive at the Grocery Store and run into Mr. Whipple again.  Stink and Freebie arrive shortly and we pack up all the provisions and head back to the dealership to pack boats and have a couple of brews.  We all admire Stink's new bass boat and, again, celebrate his divorce and our good fortune.  Jake and the ropes show up at 4:30 and Wallstreet finally makes a guest appearance at 5:15.  Apparently Cindy must have had quite a chore list that day.  We present Deadeye with the plaque that we had secretly bought at the Ft Lewis fundraiser and he promises to find an appropriate place for this beautiful piece of art (there's surely a shit house wall somewhere).  We load up on Serious Texas BBQ and head home to watch both the Wings and Avs lose their playoff games.  Have I mentioned that we are renewing another grand tradition this year as the DC boys have graciously offered to buy the booze again this year (yea, that's right, they lost the bet again).  However, I smell a rat since Knocker has shipped in a case of the incredible 45th Parallel Vodka and I suspect the DC boys have their "goezinta" down to about 3 and a quarter this year.  We're in bed at 10 and the weather is gorgeous.

 

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

 Tax Day dawns with Buck up at 4am and woke up the boys at 4:30 with the Pole in Full Song.  Arrive at the dealership and it's 21 degrees.  UH OH!!!!

Jake's already there.  Wallstreet, Luther, and Knocker arrive at 5:49, and Stink and Freeb at 6:00 (Lord only knows what Freebie has forgotten this year).  We're "Wheel's Up" at 6:13.  Banjo is incredibly proud of his new Navigation Toy but the Bitch don't know where "O'er Dere" is.  There's new snow at Mesa Verde and on the Sleeping Ute.  It's 32 degrees in Dolores.  Another wonderful tradition is renewed at Lewis, when Buck almost parches before popping the first official cerveza of the trip.  At 7:45 we arrive in Dove Creek, Deadeye parks in a mud puddle, and, once again, we grace the Blue Mountain Cafe with our presence.  They are just about as excited to see us as they're ever been.  Connie is AWOL but the food is acceptable.  We ask that Pole be served 30 minutes early so he can finish with the rest of us.  We decide to gas up in Dove Creek as regular is ONLY $3.59 and Diesel $4.19.  We depart and begin the annual search for the Horse's Head.  Pole claims to see the antlers first and Luther spots 3 ears (say what??).  Jake blows a tire between Monticello and Blanding and Deadeye does a drive by - nice friend, eh?  After Wayne gets his 2nd demerit (mud puddle was first) we discover that the CD player won't load.  At this point we're all beginning to realize that things just ain't shaping up the way we'd all like.  Buck makes a glove save by getting the boom box to work and playing Electric Horseman by the turn off.  Another tradition saved.  At 12:15 we arrive at the Big Water.  It's 79 degrees but very windy, even by Lake Powell standards.  And, did I remember to mention the Jalapeno peanuts?  They are exceptionally tasty.  However, they have caused a mutiny in Flagman's bowels and he makes 3 trips to the crapper on the hill.  Do you have any idea how long a walk it is up that hill with those little bitty steps??  If it weren't so damned funny we'd almost feel sorry for him.  At 1pm Deadeye, Jake, Doo, and Knock depart for Bullfrog to get the houseboat.  While they're gone it gets cooler and the wind worser and worser.  Oh, and also, Jake's boat has broken the center windshield - not an ideal condition in 80mph winds and 40 foot waves.  At 3pm the houseboat arrives and Captain Knick manages a perfect multipoint crash landing.  We get the houseboat loaded and Buckwheat is presented with a gorgeous framed photo of his Boy Scout days, and receipt of the God and Country medal.  What a priceless momento and good for considerable yuk yuks.  At 4pm we decide to attempt departure.  The wind is probably sustained at 50-60+ mph, and white caps as far as the eye can see.  This ain't shapin up to be a lot of fun in the next few minutes.  We partner up Banjo and the Street in Goddard's boat, Stink and Luther in the new Bass Boat, Jake and Freeb in Jake's boat, and Doo and Pole in the free bath tub.  At least 2 new White Chevy/QU Caps are lost in the attempt just to keep the small boats afloat.  Somehow Captain Knock keeps the houseboat off the rocks, departing the dock, a feat second only to some long haired guy doing a little trick with some bread and fish thousands of years ago.  After what seems like hours we all finally make it to the other side of the lake and get a slight wind break, enough to tie up all the boats but Stink.  Apparently he'd rather scar up his and Luther's bodies than his new boat.  This is all a frightening process and one I hope to never repeat.  Quite frankly it is the worst trip down the lake on the first day we've ever had as we can barely make way against the head wind.  However, a good thing does happen as we christen the 45th Parallel Buckwheat's on the ride down.  Stink and Jon Boy drive all the way down and find us a camp spot at the end of Edna's Canyon.  We finally pull in there at 7:15 and start dinner at 8pm.  And, another travesty is discovered that Buck's XM don't work.  Shit, o dear, how we gonna listen to the Av's get beat now???  After another great tradition of Green Chili Cheeseburgers (Doo stays true to his sobriety but falls off the Vegetarian diet for them).  After dinner, Banjo and Buckwheat have a little ceremony to present the first official wearable in the LPLT Collection, a gorgeous brown flex fit hat.  They are very well received and much appreciated.  We finish dinner at 9:15 and Deadeye is first to bed.  Roy D. Mercer talks us to sleep on a very cold, blustery night.  No Willie and the Av's actually win 5-1.  What a screwed up day!!!!

 

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

 Up at 6:15.  Pole set new world records for decibels, longevity, and pain in the ass.  He also can't find his Spartan jacket.  At 8am Stink, Luther, and Freeb go fishing.  The rest of us pretend to be getting our poles and tackle ready.  At 9:15 Stink returns.  Freebie fell in the lake and is seriously close to hypothermia.  Boys, things just ain't quite right here - perhaps it's cause we got a guy that ain't drinkin - at least that sure as hell ain't happened before!!  Freebie takes a hot shower and climbs in his sleeping bag.  At 10:00 Stink and banjo go back to Hall's (a 25 minute round trip in Stink's go fast) to get Jake's XM Roadie.  It works and at least one thing is now working right.  Also, Pole finds his jacket in the lake and retrieves it with a jig - the only thing he'll probably catch this trip.  The Chorizo omelet is outstanding and naps are in order at 12:15.  At 2pm Jake, Pole, and Freeb go fishing.  at 3:30 Jake, Knock, and Street decide to brave it.  Too cold for the rest of us and we enjoy Buckwheats and prep for dinner.  At 5pm the fisherman are all back.  We make bruschetta and salsa and enjoy Chicken Ore House for dinner.  At 9:13 Willie sings us to bed.  It is COLD.  The cookies and Olive Bread are a huge hit.  Wings lose 3-2.

 

Thursday, April 17, 2008

 Up at 6:48.  Cold and Windy night.  Pole snored so F'ing hard he broke his mattress.  We have a stimulating discussion, wondering who invented the peculator.  Wallstreet says he has it on good advice that is was Joe Peculator.  The rest of us ain't buyin it but we do know for damn sure who invented the Wallstreet autograph model Shit Stick!!!  At 9:30 all fisherman are out and Buck and Banjo man the Bath Tub.  Freebie claims he caught a walleye but Knock say's the fish committed suicide.   Grace's breakfast burritos and Green Chile and Freeb's Bloody Mary's are muy bueno.  Naps at 1:30.  At 3pm Banjo throws rocks, just to prove it's never to windy to throw rocks.  Jake makes a funnel with a vodka bottle.  American ingenuity is a wonderful thing.  Stink manages to retrieve Freeb's sunglasses and pole (lost in the inadvertent swim) with a jig.  It's a sunny, calm day but still cool and the fishing stinks.  Stink's posole is just as good as ever.  We all enjoy the first bottle of port after dinner.  It is a beautiful night and the Pole soars to new heights in snoring.  Tigers lose, Rockies win and Avs win to go up 3-2.

 

Friday, April 18, 2008

 Up at 6:22.  Buckwheat and Doo go fishing with Stink.  Great boat but the fishing still stinks except for a nice largemouth Doo catches.  Biscuits and Gravy a traditional hit.  Naps at 12:22.  Banjo and Max go fishing and do catch a few keepers including a nice walleye.  Jake, Deadeye, Knock, and Freeb hike to the arch.  Nobody else fishes but showers are in order.  Nobody particularly hungry but Knock does up a mess of fish, and coupled with Jake's homemade tarter sauce they are excellent.  Pole brings all conversation to a dead stop when he inquires whether or not anyone thinks he should go to the Dr about his snoring.  He's lucky to have stayed dry.  Stink finds Poles missing cap in his boat but doesn't tell him.  We finish off the 2nd bottle of port, then in the interest of taste testing also finish off the 3rd bottle (the Sandeman 20 year is much better than the Dow 20 year old).  Once again, most all is right with the world.  To bed at 9:24 and no one claims to hear Pole snore - yet another new world record. 

 

Saturday, April 19, 2008

 Up at 6:10.  Pretty quiet night, probably 2 bottles of port and crumb cake contributed.  We talk about 2009 and tentatively agree to try the last full week of April next year.  Break camp at 7:30, with all 4 boats tied up (another new world record) and underway at 8am.  Stink gives Pole his cap back and then announces he is getting married May 20.  Didn't want to say anything earlier cause he didn't want trip to be a bachelor party - as if this group needed an excuse to party!!  Reach boat launch at 10:30 and Stink knows everybody.  Depart at 1:00 for longest drive in the world.  Make a gas/pee stop in Dove Creek and arrive Durango at 5pm.  Banjo heads to bakery to get Doo's bread, but gets lost at the roundabout.  Pole misses the instructions to get all the stuff we're gonna ship back out of the truck and boxed up.  Head home at 6pm, with Gaspacho's carryout.  YES!!!!!  Some how we arrive at Jim's with Stinks dirty clothes.  To bed at 10pm and Avs win.

 

Sunday, April 20, 2008

 Up at 4:15.  The moon is spectacular.  Stars didn't even seem this bright on the houseboat.  Get the boys up at 4:30 and leave Deadeye's for airport at 5:15.  Arrive at airport at 5:45 for 7:30 flight.  They have room for 4 of us on the 6:20 departure so we run like the wind through security, although they are somewhat confused as to why the Doo is carrying a bakery with him.  During the flight I recognize that Ben "Nighthorse" Campbell is on the plane.  While waiting to get off in Denver, I mention to the Doo who the guy with the long hair was.  Doo looked at him then said to me, "Ask him if he knows who Fred "Wildcock" Shuart is".   Make it to Denver then on back to Motor City without incident . . . just sad that it's gonna be a whole year before we get to do it again.

 

2008 LPLT Epilogue Summary, Observations, and Lessons Learned

 

Don't never, ever piss against the wind or take Wallstreet for a boat ride in rough water

Many, many thanks to Knocker for help in getting the 45th Parallel Vodka and to the always-generous DC for buying

In addition to case of 45th, Luther brought a new half gal of Kettle, and Jake brought 2 cheap half gals for Bloody Mary's and we had one in inventory.  We had part of one half gal left so 7 half gallons of vodka is barely enough.

3 bottles of port just right and Sandeman 20 year old is best. 

Cookies, crumb cake, and all Jeffi's bread, especially the Olive loaf, is outstanding.  Just need to try and keep bread fresh as possible

Tonic water doesn't keep from one year to next

Don't F#*K with the menu!!!!!!!

2 Red Onions and 2 large garlic bulbs enough

Need 6 Large rolls of paper towels

2 lbs of coffee enough

Need 60 paper plates.  Makes dish washing much easier

1 Lg jar olives enough.  Get large thing of blue cheese from City Market rather than huge one at Sam's

Get Large Olive Oil at Sam's

1 Gal of Milk enough

Many, many congrats to the Doo for proving that this trip can be made without alcohol.  I wouldn't have believed it but am very proud of our pal for sticking to his word.  Glad to have him back, now just need to work on getting him and Deuce back again!!!

If Gaspacho's is closed, don't listen to Deadeye, just go to Francisco's

Roy D was a big hit once again.

Check out all spare tires, boat trailer spares, CD players, etc PRIOR to the trip!!!

Get more fresh lemons for tartar sauce.

 

 

So, that's about it boys.  Except for the part I left out in the beginning.  When Ginners and I were laughing about me making up stuff she suggested that I should include something fictitious on one of the evenings just to see if you guys would notice.  She then suggested something like . . . at 9pm the women arrived and everyone was "taken care of", except the guy with the underwear on his head.  Deadeye, I tried but I just couldn't do that to you. 

So, sorry for the lateness of this report but, here almost on the eve of another trip it certainly gets me in the mood and I hope it does you too.  This has been a very tough year for all of us but I am constantly reminded that tough times don't last but tough people do.  Having something like LPLT to look forward to certainly does help the spirit.  Hopefully these words will remind you all how incredibly fortunate we are to have each other as special friends and have one of the most beautiful places on the planet to pay homage to each year.  Lake Powell America, until we see you again . . .may God continue to richly bless each one of us and our families.  Via con Dias.  Love, Buck

 

P. S.  GO WINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!