Saturday, April 30, 2011
Can it be that the day has finally arrived for
the epic journey of LPLT 2011 to begin? Well, just as surely as Ole
Knocker hung up his Loan Book yesterday and joined the Stress Free
League for the rest of his days, it is here!!!!! That alone makes
two great reasons to celebrate. But, first a question . . . why is
it that, even though we all know there are only 365 or so days in a
year, it seems that the count for an LPLT year is infinitely much
longer? Whilst you boys ponder the deep meaning of that little
morsel, I will meander along. Buck awakes at 3:56 and that, boys
and girls, is an all-time record for longest sleep on departure
day. Finally up at 4:12 and discover that I?m now pretty sure I
broke my toe some time during the night . . . WTF, how in the hell
did that happen . . . over.?? Jump in the shower, after all it will
be the last non-military soaking in pert near a month. Get out and
dust the boys with a massive load of corn starch . . . aw, Sweet
Jesus, thank you for the gift of life?s small guilty pleasures!!
Turn on ESPN right quick to hear that the Tigers lost in the bottom
of the 9th. If that weren?t bad enough, the Wings, in
the first game of the 2nd round, versus San Jose, lost
2-1 in OT. The only consolation is that the AvNots were playing . .
. with themselves (Editor?s Note ? that?s some funny shit right
there, Buckwheat!! Well, thank you Ed). Off at 5:02 am to pickup
Banjo. It?s 32 degrees, can?t wait for Spring in another 2 or 3
months. Banjo ready but says Susan has no idea there is a world
that early on a non-Cheerleading Saturday. At Pole?s house at 5:20
and his bags are sitting in the driveway but he?s nowhere to be
seen. Ginners suggests we take his bags and leave after we
discover he?s playing with his nuts!! Has anybody seen the Doo?
He?s been MIA for WAY too long!! We depart for the airport and
Ginners complains to Pole that I don?t stay in my lane in
roundabouts. I contend they are an invention of the French and they
never were worth a shit at directions anyway. We arrive at the
airport at 6 bells. We actually get through Security by 6:35am,
without incident . . . amazing that Pole could keep his mouth shut
that long. Now he wants a Bloody Mary. Banjo asks if Ginners had
quizzed me about a little Dip. Banjo, are you new here??? Pole
wants to talk about the Royal Wedding and poses the question whether
the Duke of Cambridge got any last night. I answer with . . . ?did
you check the pooper on Kate?s Sister
Pippa?? Hey, if the Queen floats your boat as the definition of
Royalty that?s fine, but for me that ass is about as ?royal? as it
gets!! Somehow that leads to a confession that Banjo has issues ?
he admits he hasn?t had a drink in 2 weeks. Pole & I advise that?s
not a problem and we can fix it. Banjo offers up some weak bullshit
about when you rebuild an engine you can?t just jump on it right out
of the box. I suggest that that?s absolute nonsense ? you most
certainly can plant your foot right to the floor . . . and sometimes
it blows up and sometimes it don?t. Guess we?ll see what happens.
About that time we board the plane and lift off at 8:16EDT, right on
time. The Flight Nurse, Shelly, thinks we look like we?re going
somewhere fun ? Damn, when did they start hiring smart ones? We
then catch a glimpse of the Male Flight Nurse and we conclude he
looks like Howdy Doody. Pole asks Howdy is Shelly has a cordless
blender (hey, I can?t make this shit up). Howdy plays along and
says, ?absolutely and she?s squeezing some fresh limes for the
Bloody Mary?s as we speak?. Pole then inquires if: A) Howdy would
like to buy the first round, or B) if not, can we use his employee
discount? Howdy advises Pole that if we think he?s buying, we?ve
already been over served. However, he says that if we get our money
out Shelly will know we want alcohol. I then stand a $20 bill on
the bill of my cap and Shelly loves it!! She rustles up 3 Bloody?s
post haste and after 3 sips Banjo announces he?s hammered. Guess
that new motor blowed up after all!! We do manage to perform the
first celebratory LPLT 2011 Toast of the trip and shortly after Buck
spills Bloody on his notes (Editor?s Note ? it?s OK since I?m making
this crap up anyway). Somehow that leads to a discussion about,
shall we say Mary Jane. Banjo says he?s thought about shipping a
Fatty but although Utah and Lake Powell are beautiful ? they ain?t
quite that purty!! At 7:26 MDT we order the 3rd round
and Banjo thinks he?s getting petered. We decide that while we?re
at the lake this year we need to count how many different guys have
come on the trip since inception in 1977. Seems like a perfectly
reasonable waste of time to all of us!! We then wonder how long
Katherine has grown Freebie?s hair this year and whether or not he
will look like Barry Melrose. At 7:53 we order the 4th
round and Shelly advises that a terrible thing has happened . . . we
have consumed all their Bloody Mix. When we find out that we have
not consumed all their Vodka we advise that only the 2nd
worst thing that could have happened has happened. So we concoct
some mixture of vodka with half OJ and half Cranapple. It is, in 2
words . . . perfectly dreadful!! Banjo, by now, is in full blown
Chatty Cathy mode. At 9am MDT we land in Denver, 20 minutes early,
and head to the Burrito place . . . seems like a great way to kill
the taste of what he have already drunk by 9am. Shortly thereafter,
we are at Gate B59 in the Denver Airport when Pole gets paged. Now,
who the hell can this be?? It seems that he left his reading
glasses on the first plane and that Shelly is delivering them to our
Durango gate (Editor?s Note: Let that be a lesson to you ? if
you?re gonna leave shit laying around, make sure you are drunk and
obnoxious so you?ll be remembered). God bless Shelly and thank God
Howdy didn?t find em. We retrieve the glasses and have a one hour
plane crash into Durango. Damn, boys, that one was rough!! Deadeye
picks us up and, wouldn?t you know it, NO booze. What kind of a
host is he?? At 3:30 we arrive at the Mud House Ruins to find Sunni
Jane building a Sandbox. So, drunk as we are we pitch in, carry
sand, dig dirt, and Sunni somehow tolerates us long enough to get
finished. We then have some cocktails, eat some PoleNuts and
Chocolate Chip Cookies and Morehart shits his pants in the kitchen.
Damn it, Wayne, you?re not at Lake Powell yet. At 5pm we head back
into town for a wonderful spaghetti dinner at Sacred Heart Catholic
Church. We decide that?s exactly the kind of place we need to go
to, but we soon discover that our combined youth has managed to
bring the median age of the crowd down to just slightly younger than
dirt. After a terrific dinner and some massive amounts of cheap
wine, we all head to Bob and Jane Griffith?s house for more drinks
and dessert. The boys meet, and I renew acquaintances with, a bunch
of truly delightful people, all friends of Deadeye and Sunni, well
at least they?ll admit to being friends with Sunni anyway. We head
home at 8:15 and catch the end of the Rockies 4-1 win over some
other schlep National league team that also likes to watch pitchers
strike out. By 9:30 Pole is gone, by 9:45 Buck is toast and Banjo
and Wayne are watching a hockey game. What a delightful start to
LPLT 2011!!!!!!!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Buck awakes at 3am ? ouch, but fortunately goes
back to sleep until 5 and gets up to make the coffee. Sunni is
already up and complaining about oversleeping. We have a delightful
chat about Grandbabies and what an incredible gift they are. By 6am
all the rest of the boys are up, without a wake up call, and that,
girls and boys, is a first!! At 7:57am, and 26 degrees, we are off
to Farmington. By 9am we arrive at Buck?s Pancake Alley . . .
YaTaHay Hosteen!! Place could use a good flea dip but the chow is
decent and relatively cheap. In the notes it says, and I quote:
?Pole says his Doctor tells him that since he?s been using the
anti-snore machine (not the technical name I don?t think), his Vulva
isn?t swollen anymore?. Well, well, well . . . .like I said
earlier, you just can?t make this shit up. Before going to Sam?s we
find a Safeway to get some things for dinner. It is a surprisingly
nice store ? must be the White Eye?s store of Farmington. We then
head to Sam?s and spend $200 on LPLT provisions and Banjo spends
$480 on a camcorder (Editor?s Note: I think Banjo wants to set up a
hidden cam to try and determine why he goes home with a sore bobo
every year). We also have to stop back by Safeway for some fresh
basil. By Noon we are back at the Mud House for phone home, watch
the Wings, Rockies, and Tigers all lose, and Buck takes an hour
nap. Jim rides his bike to nowhere for an hour. Methinks Buck has
the better plan. We make the Green Chili Round Steak scrumptious
love for dinner (everything just goes better with green chili). We
get a call that Jamie and Samina are driving in from Denver and
Samina has thrown up 3 times. Oh the joys of raising babies. At
4:30 it starts to snow. At 5, Jamie and Samina, along with Jeffi
and Jen, arrive for dinner. Samina has breathtakingly beautiful
blue eyes. She is not initially impressed with the GLC boys but
soon warms up, especially with Gramps Banjo. We have cocktails all
around and witness firsthand that ?Wee-uh & Baboosh? are Samina?s
two most favoritest people on the planet. We have a delectable
dinner of bruschetta, Green Chili round steak, great Bread bread,
salad, and ice cream bars. The kids leave by 7 and we settle in to
watch Celebrity Apprentice. Very soon Donald Trump is interrupted
by Pres Obama with news that U. S. Military forces have killed Osama
Bin Laden. God Bless the U. S. A. and the U. S. Military and thank
you Jesus that there is now one less towel-headed terrorist in the
world!!! We are all in bed and lights out by 10pm.
Monday, May 2, 2011
After waking up numerous times to thank God for
bin Laden?s departure, Buck is up at 5:08 to make the coffee. Wake
up the other boys by 6 and there is a light snow cover on
everything. It is absolutely beautiful, blue skies and no wind ?
let?s hope it?s like that the rest of the week. We are off to town
at 7:10 and 24 degrees. We drop off Wayne at the Dealership at 7:30
for a Sales Meeting. The rest of us start the task of checking
inventory. We see the new Rod Case that Wayne has had one of his
guys make for him . . . out of a Fed Ex box . . . cheap bastard!!!
At 8:15 we head to Wal-Mart to buy a new boom box and so Banjo can
get a new chip for his camera. We also go to downtown Durango to
Gardenswartz so Banjo can get a waterproof bag for his new camcorder
(sure is getting expensive to determine the source of a sore
butthole). At 9:30 we pick up Wayne and head to Bread to pick up
our order of the world?s best bread for LPLT 2011. Damn that stuff
is good, especially the Green Chili Croissants ? at lest the French
finally got something right!!! Jamie and Samina meet us there so
Jamie can get a picture of Jim for a story she is doing about the
Iron Horse Race. Wallstreet and Reggae also meet us there and
Jeffi, in addition to charging us a fraction of what she should for
the bread, also gives us a bottle of Macallan Scotch for the trip.
That?s kinda like winning the lottery and then getting a bonus!!!
We head across the street to Star Liquors for beer, liquor, and wine
for Sunni. We ask for an autograph from Jim Tressel since the owner
is a huge Ohio Hate fan. They think we are less than funny and the
God?s shit on us as Banjo and Buckwheat totally forget to buy any
port ? damn, damn, damn. Baboosh draws babysitting duty for Samina
and she really loves the liquor store! By 10:30 we are back at
dealership. At 11am Luther, Ponch, and the newly-retired, first day
on the new job, Knicker-Knocker arrive from Denver. It seems Luther
hit a duck ? yes, he said a duck ? coming over Wallsenburg Pass.
There are blood and guts all over his front end. At 11:45 we head
to Gaspacho?s. We are joined by Murphy and Mr Whipple ? good to see
them, but Murphy still doesn?t appreciate the humor about the
cloverleaf in the new dealership logo (what the hell is a Shamrock
anyway?). The Blue Corn Enchiladas, with a side of Carne Adovada .
. . esta MUCHO BUENO!! If they had Mexican food like this at home
we?d all be as big as Luther. After lunch we head to the Mountain
Bike shop, gas up, buy some community beer and ice, and back to the
dealership by 1:45. At 3 we?re off to City Market for the annual
grocery excursion. Mr. Whipple is this year?s MVP of the shopping
trip since he knows where every single item is and how it compares
in price and quality to everything else. Damn, we need to keep him
along. Buck manages to lose his glasses case (but the City Mkt
Manager brings it to the Dealership later. Yeah, that would
probably happen in Deetroit as well). Wayne complains that we spent
$100 more than last year ? it?s only money and I plan on having more
than $100 additional fun!!! By 4:40 we?re back at the dealership
and finally Stink and Jake show up. Freeb is MIA as he?s driving
back from Albuquerque and having some tests done. We hope he?s OK.
We proceed to load things up and Ponch says Luther?s wife confided
in him that Luther has a terminal case of small cox disease. We?re
guessing there is no cure. We?re also all quite amazed, especially
Reggae, that Wallstreet hasn?t wrecked anything yet. Jake advises
that Grace has made the breakfast burritos but has retired from
tortilla making as her hands won?t allow it. Jake makes some lame
ass excuse that they just don?t taste the same when he rolls them.
Knocker is amazed at how stress free retirement life is thus far.
Meanwhile, Banjo is, once again, being a pussy about something and
Pat Murphy offers some sage advice for the ages . ... ?YOU CAN?T
LEARN TO SWIM IN THE WADING POOL?. (Editor?s Note: damn, that?s a
good one, I must steal it and use it extensively). We pick up
dinner at Texas BBQ, home by 6pm, dinner and get things packed up
for tomorrow departure. By 9pm it?s Lights Out
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Buck up at 4:14 to start the coffee and begin
packing. Two dead lock certain things also happen: 1) Sunni is
already up, and 2) Pole is late and the last one in the truck to go
to town. I swear, sometimes I just stare at the boy to make sure he
isn?t movin - backwards. But, somehow we manage to hit the road at
5:35 and 28 degrees. At 5:57am, we finally arrive and discover that
the definition of late is . . . Freebie is already there. Thanks,
Pole!! However, Wallstreet and Reggae are not, which means that
somewhere between Durango and Farmingburg there is a little short
guy muttering non-flattering aspersions about our boy Wallstreet.
We step out of the vehicle and catch a full ration of shit about
being late. At 6:18 the New Mexico Duo (Oscar and Felix??) finally
show up, with complaints of low tire pressure or some kind of
Pollock bullshit. Finally, at 6:21 we go ?wheel?s up? for the Big
Water. I call Ginners to wish her an early Happy Birthday since I
am going to miss her 60th birthday (Editor?s Note: I
actually did offer to cancel my 2011 LPLT participation, and was
strongly advised that my absence would be sufficient present enough
for a birthday of such significance). Pole farts, Deadeye giggles,
Buck & Banjo curse. At 7:27am the time honed tradition of
?quenching of a terrible, parching thirst? with the first beer of
the day at the Lewis, CO turnoff is once again honored. All is
right with the world. At 7:55 we arrive at the Blue Mountain Caf?
in Dove Creek. We make the waitress take Pole?s order and turn it
in first before the rest of us even get a cup of Joe, just in hopes
that he will somehow finish eating within a half an hour of the rest
of us (Editor?s Note: didn?t work). The food is exactly has it?s
been for the last 36 years but a terrible thing happens ? there is
no TP in the shitter. So, we decide to go across the street to the
Shell Station and, in addition to wiping asses, we also purchase
$381 worth of gasoline. Guess you can put a price tag on fun!! At
9:33 we are finally on the road again and make the Blanding turn
off/Tin building piss stop at 10:32. It?s 54 degrees as we climb
back into the truck, crack open another cerveza and celebrate
another wonderful tradition ? playing of the ?Electric Horseman? at
that point. Life is getting even better. We so break with
tradition, however, by putting Banjo in the front seat so he can use
his new camcorder . . . or try not to throw up whilst drinking his
Virginia Slim beers ? not sure which it is. Lots of cattle in the
road today. At 11:26 we make another predictable stop at the 46
mile turnoff and Deadeye decides to fulfill one of the things on his
Bucket List . . . which is to ride the remaining 46 miles to the
lake on his bike. That?s right, he said ride 46 miles on his bike,
with NO beer and a perfectly functioning Chevy Trucks as an option.
I decide that if there had ever been such a horrendously foolish
idea on my bucket, the bucket must have had a perfectly efficient
hole in it. Despite 11 of us questioning his sanity, Wayne dons the
pink leotards and at 11:32 and 58 degrees, he starts peddling. I
have no idea who actually drove our vehicle at that point but
someone must have, as the trip notes indicate we arrived at the
Hall?s Crossing boat launch at 12:31 and 72 Degrees. At 12:50
Stink, Knocker, and Luther depart for the Bullfrog Marina to get the
houseboat. It is a gorgeous day, even by LPLT standards, with
beautiful sunny skies and virtually no wind. Thank You Jesus. At
1:54 I try to call Wayne to see if he is still alive and peddlin ?
no answer. At 2:20 Stink finally returns to the dock with
absolutely nothing to report. At 2:24 Ole Deadeye peddles his ass
down the ramp and checks off one thoroughly ridiculous item off his
Bucket List (reckon what other foolishness is on there??? Don?t
really wanna know). At 3pm the Houseboat finally shows and we
quickly load up and head down the lake. We are, once again, amazed
at what an astonishing crew we have, as the efficiency of tying up 4
fishing boats, unloading groceries, stocking the liquor cabinet,
storing shit everywhere, making cocktails, playing great music,
piloting the vessel, establishing 12 bunks, and loving every second
while marveling at what God has created here, is comparable to the
greatest symphonic performance that you would hear in Carnegie or
anyone else?s Hall. Life is truly very, very good and we are truly,
truly blessed!! At 6:30 we make shore at a wonderful camp spot in
Slick Rock Canyon along the south canyon wall. Shortly thereafter
the burgers are cooking, the beans warming, the salad made, and the
cocktails and lies are flowing. By 8:01 Deadeye is in bed, making
some lame ass excuse about being tired. Wimp!!! Shortly thereafter
we discover, the hot water, she no work!! Uh oh!! By 8:30 most of
the rest follow Wayne?s lead and make their way to the bunks. What
an amazingly beautiful night and, for those reading this who have
never seen the stars at Lake Powell, you have no earthly idea what
you missed!! It is nothing short of spectacular. Also amazing is
how quiet the boat is, OR how much they have improved the
insulation!!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
At exactly 5:43 Luther fires up the generator,
which means the coffee will be done in about 10 minutes. Shortly
thereafter, Wayne fires down the ladder to the crapper and everyone,
or most everyone, is up enjoying the day. At 6:45 Stink, Knocker,
and Luther are the first fishing boat out. By 7am Captains Reggae
and Jake shove off and by 7:30 Buck and Pole start putting their
fishing shit together. At 8:30 Banjo finally drags his ass out of
bed and we depart for Walleye Point, or at least what we think it
is. At 9:08 Buckwheat catches the first fish and can now put his
shit away for the rest of the trip. Within 20 minutes we?ve all
caught multiple fish and are back in by 10:30. Reports seem to
indicate that Jake is the fishing champ of the am. Can that be??
It is a gorgeous day, made even better by Freebies precisely made
Bloody Marys and Deadeye?s Chorizo Omelet. At 11:45 we call
Bullfrog to request a mechanic come and fix the water heater, after
Banjo diagnoses it has a bad element. By 1pm it?s naps all around
and the mechanic arrives at 1:30 to discover that Banjo was correct
and he should have brought a new element with him. He departs to go
back and get one. Dumb ass ? when it?s electronics or guitars you
should know to listen to Banjo!! Buck recruits Stink to try and fix
a reel that had come apart when he tried to clean it ? let that be a
lesson ? don?t ever try and clean a reel. Johnny Morris and Mr
Cabela didn?t get where they are by guys cleaning their reels.
Stink quickly diagnoses the correct fix ? he shit cans Buck?s reel.
At 3:15 Stink and Banjo take off back to the Boat Launch to get
Jake?s XM power cord as we cannot find the one in Buck?s stuff that
we?ve always used. While they are gone the mechanic returns and
gets the water heater fixed. By 4pm everyone else is out fishing
and Stink and Banjo return. Stink and Buck take off for the end of
Iceberg to fish but don?t catch shit. Sorry Stink, I?ve rubbed off
on you. Banjo stays behind to get the XM working so we can stay up
on hockey, baseball, and whether or not we?ve killed any more towel
heads. We?re back by 5:40 to discover that, because of the location
of the canyon wall, we cannot get a satellite signal, thus no XM
reception. Some decide to shower, only to discover there is a
better water flow out of the shower handle than the shower head. Oh
well, at least the water is hot. At 7:45 we dine on Chicken Ore
House, Lake Powell Casserole and salad. After dinner we are
entertained by Ron White and Lewis Black and no Port!!! Even the
chocolate doesn?t taste as good without some fine 20 year old port.
Damn it Buckwheat and Banjo ? don?t let that happen again!!! A deep
philosophical discussion ensues, concluding with the thought that,
?this country?s two party political system is currently about as
efficient as a bowl of shit looking at itself in the mirror?!!
Luther has lead the parade to bed, beginning at 8:30, and by 10pm
it?s lights out for all. Another incredible night!!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Happy Cinco de Mayo to Gringos everywhere!!!
Generator on at 5:36. Temp is 49 Degrees and the water temp is 59.
Stink takes Buck and Wayne out to fish till 11am. The final count
is Stink 5, Buck 1, and Deadeye his normal total of rocks and
sticks, but we don?t depend on him for the fish fry anyway. Jake
warms the breakfast burritos and Grace?s Green Chile. Jake also
wearing a great T Shirt, which says, ?Give a man a fish and he will
eat for a day, Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and
drink beer all day?. Gotta love it!! Naps all around by 12:30 till
2. At 2pm, a fishing clinic is held for Deadeye on the back deck.
He is instructed on the fine art of rigging plastic shit, both
weedless and non. We also make a list of all the different people
who have made this trip since the inaugural voyage in 1977. We come
up with a list of 21 names, not counting the 12 on this trip, so we
reckon that the grand total is 33. At some point we need to have
Banjo make a list of them on our world famous, award winning web
site. By 3:45 all out fishing except Buck and Luther as they are
napping and prepping Buckloin and chicken for Saturday sandwiches
(another fine idea by our leader Wayne). We also enjoy Marty
Robbins, and the Nylons as we also make Tomato Caprese and the salad
for tonight. By 6:45 all are in and there are reports of Pole
catching a hawg largemouth and, supposedly, Banjo has it on video.
Guess he thinks Dixie will want to use it on ?Hook N Look?. We
decide, in Pole?s case it?s ?Hook N Luck?. At exactly 6:50pm (still
plenty of daylight left) a truly remarkable event occurs . . .
Wallstreet plops down at the dinner table wearing, are you ready for
this, a F*#king HEADLIGHT. That?s right, he said, a Headlight,
while it?s still light out. We inquire as to whether he is going to
audition as a Coal Miner or if Cindi had told him to always be ready
in case it turns dark. Turns out it something pretty close to the
latter as Wallstreet pontificates, ?it?s going to be dark when I go
to bed?. Well, no shit, Pollock!!! Wallstreet is one amazing old
guy, and damn we are glad he is ours!!! When the rest of us finally
partially recover, we dine on a remarkable batch of Stink?s Posole,
Beans, Salad, and Tomato Caprese. Following dinner we again watch
Lewis and Ron and, once again, Luther expires before they do. By
9:30 it?s Lights Out for all. Another gorgeous night. You just
gotta see these Stars . . . Holy Jesus, and Sweet Mary, Mother of
God, but they are a site to behold!!!
Friday, May 6, 2011
Generator fires up at 5:46. It was a pretty
warm night and this am is the warmest so far. Cudos again to Jeffi
on the Crumb Cake. By 7:30 all out fishing except Buck and Banjo as
they are the only one?s smart enough to know that, despite the
beautiful weather, the fishing is shitty, but who really gives a
rat?s ass?? We prep the Gravy and work on the 2012 grocery list.
Buck showers and cooks the chicken breasts and some left over pork
loin for tomorrow?s go-home sandwiches. At 10:15 some North Country
buddies of Knocker?s stop by to say Howdy and they report slow
fishing as well. However, when Reggae comes in he declares that
they went by a boat with an old lady that either wasn?t wearing
panties or she had a stringer of bluegills in her lap (Editor?s
Note: that?s some pretty funny shit Reggae). By 11:30 all in and
feast on Buckwheat?s world famous Biscuits N Gravy. Unfortunately
the biscuits took forever. We need to make sure the biscuits don?t
get a chance to thaw and refreeze as they are a bitch to get apart
when that happens and we also need to bring an oven thermometer as
the oven temp is obviously way out of whack. Anyway, its still
delicious and naps all around by 12:45. Beginning to get a little
breezy. Out fishing for a short time, as catching is shitty and
it?s a royal bitch fighting the wind with Goddard?s
Mind-of-it?s-Own, Piece-of-Shit Trolling Motor. We?re back in by
4:30 and the rest meander in by 6:30. The wind blew the Houseboat
sideways about 10 feet but Captain Knocker comes out of retirement
long enough to fire up the motors and gets it straightened out.
Jake decides he needs to cut up some limes for more Buckwheat?s. I
watch him and inquire as to whether he used to be a Flight Attendant
for Delta Airlines, as they are the only ones I?ve ever seen get 150
pieces out of a single lime as Jake is doing. He has absolutely no
f#*king idea what I?m talking about, nor does he care. At 7:10 we
do the cherished and touching annual salute to Sparky and Jasper and
begin to fry fish. Jake also goes to work, with Pole?s help, on his
Tartar Sauce and Banjo builds a shore fire. Sure wish we had some
Port for later. At 8:45 we finally dine on some fish and left over
Chicken Ore House, Beans, Tortillas and Cheese, Green Chili and
Salad. And, we also discover that Wayne doesn?t know the front of
the boat from the back, let alone fore and aft, as he thinks Banjo?s
Bunk is on the back of the boat. It?s a warm night with lots of
stars and Stink, Freeb, Pole, and Banjo linger by the fire and kill
a bottle of Johnny Walker Red, in the absence of any 20 year old
Port. They report it?s a disappointing substitute.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Happy 60th Birthday Ginners. Wish I
was there but also wish I didn?t have to leave Lake Powell today!!!
Generator on at 5:47. By 6:36 we?re breaking camp and by 7:08 all
boats are tied on and we?re up the Lake. We finish the breakfast
burritos and somehow Buckwheat gets the sandwiches made without
cutting himself. Guess there?s always a first on this trip. At
9:16 we arrive at the Hall?s dock and by 9:46 the Houseboat is off,
back to Bullfrog. They return and by 11:48 we?re all loaded up and
rollin home. It?s 84 degrees. I call home and sing Happy Birthday
to Ginners. Thankfully she reports all is well at home and I?m not
in too deep a shit. At 1:20 we make the Tin Bldg piss stop. A sign
informs us there have been 44 car/deer crashes between Blanding and
Monticello so far in 2011. Wonder if any of these current event
scholars know that Bin Laden bit the big one?? At 2:30 we arrive in
Dove Creek and stop for gas, another $318 ? damn towel heads. At
4:02 we arrive back in Durango and its 73 degrees. We unload
everything and re-store the inventory at the Chrysler Parts
building. We say our good-byes all around for another year and
profess our heartfelt hope that we will all meet again at the same
spot next year!!! The 3 Deetroit boys make our way to the Hampton
Inn as Jamie and Samina are staying at the Mud House. The
accommodations are very nice, with the exception that there is some
sort of youth soccer tournament in town and there are about a
billion of em in the lobby and tearing and screaming through the
hallways. I?m about ready to put a fork in my eye and can only
imagine how many drugs it?s going to take for Ole Banjo to survive
this. Pole is, quite naturally, oblivious to it all. We have also
brought Wayne along with us so he can clean up and change before
meeting all the girls for dinner. Banjo and Buck take turns
showering in their room. After the houseboat, this fire hose like
shower head is Mucho Bueno!! There is an unconfirmed report that,
in an effort to conserve water, Wayne and Pole have shared a
shower. I am, in a word, horrified!! Call Ginners again to wish
her another Happy Birthday. She is at Laura?s house for a party.
It is a blessing to have such great kids!! At 6pm we head to
Steamworks to meet all the Morehart girls for dinner. It is great
to see Jeremy there and she looks as fabulous as always and still
has that wonderful, unique Jeremy spirit. Dinner is excellent,
except for the beer snob conversation Pole engages our waiter in.
Just shoot me. AT 8:30 we head back to the Hampton and watch the
NASCAR race from Darlington. We decide on a 4:30am departure
tomorrow for the airport. Pole says he needs a 3:30 wake up call in
order to get ready in time. Are you shitting me?? Nope!! Night,
night
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Happy Mother?s Day to all!! Our alarm goes off
at 3:45 and I call Pole, in the next room. He is already awake,
thank God. At 4:18 we all meet downstairs, load up and head to the
airport. It?s 38 degrees. We arrive at 5:08 for a 6am departure
and there are only 2 people in front of us. Coffee shop opens at
5:30. For some reason, known to no one, Banjo uses his high-tech
equipment to search the song ?Rolly Polly?. Turns out it was
originally recorded by Bob Wills. I am the only one that knows his
group was called the ?Texas Playboys?. We head through Security
and Pole has to go through X-ray twice, once forward and once
sideways. We surmise that the ?Rolly Polly? discussion was a
premonition. We board at 6am and we?ve got a hot FA named Katie.
Banjo is snoozing before takeoff and Pole is engaged in quite a
conversation, near as I can tell, with himself. Very smooth flight
and we land in Denver at 7:21. We dine on some Goldfish,
Sandwiches, and Cookies I brought from yesterday?s unfinished
lunch. At 10am we board the flight to Detroit and naps all around.
We land at 3pm and Ginners is right on time to pick us up. Wings
win game 5 and it?s Home Sweet Home!!! We had another incredible
trip. The weather was spectacular and the fishing was not, and
that?s exactly the order we all (well except maybe for Stink) would
prefer if we can only have one. We had a blast, we made it there
and back safely, and the world?s #1 terrorist got exactly what he
deserved. Joy To the World!!!!
2011 LPLT Epilogue Summary, Observations, and Lessons Learned
We actually
thought the lake level had gone down while we were there, only to
discover it had actually gone up about half a foot. All in all it
was probably the best weather trip we?ve ever had. The only bad
part of that is, payback is a . . .
In 2012 we need to study the rules on Zebra Mussel Certificates as
they seem to change every year.
We all loved the opportunity and were honored to welcome Knocker to
his retirement years and we also appreciate his help in getting the
45th Parallel Vodka (especially the Horseradish stuff). And we
certainly appreciate the always-generous DC for buying. And, a huge
thanks to Luther for the Famous Grouse, Bailey?s and all the
countless other extra stuff he always brings!!.
We once again agreed that 4 bottles of port is just right and
Sandeman 20 year old is best. However, we MUST ensure that we NEVER
forget them again as Banjo and Buckwheat did this year. Shame,
shame, shame!!! Also, need to find the Hershey Nuggets if possible
and, if not, just about any other chocolate will do.
Again, we are left to wonder what other vile activities are on
Deadeye?s Bucket List? I have never actually made one but, when I
do, I guaran-damn-tee you there will be no mention of riding a
bicycle in pink spandex for almost 50 miles while my buddies are
drinking beer and listening to Willie.
Jake promised he would make home made tortillas in 2012 since
Grace?s problems with her hands will not allow her to roll them.
We?ll see now won?t we. Always bring massive amounts of anything
Grace cooks!!
Buck needs a beeper on his glasses case.
Need to make sure we get the right XM Power Cord and try to park in
a place where we can get a satellite signal.
The DC boys all wonder how Pole can wake up in such a good mood
everyday. He always seems to be so happy in the morning. I tell
them that, if you knew for dead nuts certain that you weren?t going
to have to watch any of your moldings fall off a brand new vehicle
on that day, you would be happy also.
Pole and Jake had a hell of a time without measuring cups for the
tartar sauce. I still haven?t figured out why they didn?t just
borrow Freebies, since he?s almost 70 years old and still hasn?t
learned how to make Bloody Mary?s without a recipe and precise
measurements.
Pole admitted that this was the first time he ever knew there was
more than one song on the Stardust album. The rest of us have known
that forever but we?ve also known that Willie doesn?t need Pole?s
snoring accompaniment.
We loved Jake?s fishing t-shirt mentioned earlier. We also decided
Banjo needs a new t-shirt that reads, ?Doesn?t always play well with
others?. He can wear that on non-drug days.
We really appreciate Goddard letting us use his Tracker Bass Boat.
It is a welcome addition all except for the P-O-S Trolling Motor.
Banjo commits ?he feex? for the future.
Need to get an Oven Thermometer, especially for Biscuit making day.
And, speaking of Biscuits, 24 is plenty. We can get 2 bags of 12 at
City Market rather than 36 at Sams
Cookies, crumb cake, Muffins, and all Jeffi's bread, especially the
Olive loaf, is outstanding. Just need to try and keep bread fresh
as possible (works best to put extra stuff in front freezer and just
get out as it's needed)
The 59' houseboat was perfect and the generator noise was not an
issue (at least for most of us).
The front ice chest
on the houseboat is the smartest thing they've ever done (well,
except for 2 shitters).
Don't forget to get the pillows, linens, towels, extra coffee pot,
folding table, etc from Bullfrog and make sure we get sufficient
quantities of Ice, especially cubed cocktail ice. We came out just
right on the ice this year and the reason was Deadeye wasn?t along
to pick up the Houseboat and try to cheapfuk us on the ice!!! 8
blocks and 6 20lb bags of crushed came out just right. Don?t never
ever let Wayne screw with it again!!
The Olive Oil/Lemon Juice marinade for the chicken was fine, but
still need 1 bottle of Allegro for Buckloins
2 lb bag of chips enough and don't even consider buying salt free
peanuts - even Wayne won't eat em
Tonic water doesn't keep from one year to next
Don't F#*K with the menu!!!!!!! but buy Sodium free salt to cook
with out of concern for Wayne's ticker. Buck may just make some
Essence with Salt Substitute in the future.
2 lbs of coffee enough
Need 60 paper plates. Makes dish washing much easier
1 lg jar olives enough. Get thing of blue cheese from City Market
rather than huge one at Sam's
Get Large Olive Oil at Sam's (look for balsamic there also)
Lewis Black and Ron White were, once again, a big hit, especially on
the new flat screen TV and whatever technology it was that Banjo
used to make em appear.
Check out all spare tires, boat trailer spares, wheel bearing
grease, Boom Box/CD players, etc PRIOR to the trip!!! Make
sure we get Jake's XM player and power cord and Buck's antenna
Get more fresh lemons for tartar sauce and fish fry but make sure
Jake and Pole make their special tartar sauce and that Pole brings
the recipe
So, boys, there you have it. Now, wasn't it worth waiting for?
And, despite the less than ideal fishing conditions, the weather was
SPECTACULAR and a wonderful trip was had by all. Bottom line, we
are all truly blessed to have reasonably good health, wonderful
families, and despite our advancing age, be at a place in our lives
where we can truly enjoy each other's company. It is almost beyond
comprehension that a group of guys can continue doing something we
love so much for so long, do it so well, without major problems
(other than questionable footwear and endless flatulence), and still
want to come back for more year after year. The almost spiritual
beauty of Lake Powell is exceeded only by the boundless joy of good
friends!!! See you in 2012, God willing!!!!!!
ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!
Love, Buck
