LAKE POWELL LUXURY
TOURS
– 2017 AN EPILOGUE
Subtitled “Forty-One Derful”
In Memoriam
On February 23, 2018 our dear pal Don “Freebie” Freemyer “flew away”
from this Earth to the arms of our Lord.
We all knew 2017 would be his last LPLT outing, but none of us
was prepared for this all too sudden departure.
He will be fondly remembered for his quick smile, “never met a
stranger” personality, and loving heart.
This recap is dedicated to you, our friend.
RIP Freebie!!!!!
Can it seriously be possible that we’ve done
roared right past 40 years of this grand and glorious tradition and
this year will actually mark the 41st epic adventures of
the group known far and wide as the “Bassholes of Lake Powell Luxury
Tours”?? Actually we’re
nothing more than legends in our own minds but that’s a story for
another time and another place.
For now it comes time to sit back, grab a deep seat, and
prepare yourself . . . to
see if you can actually remember anything that happened oh those many,
many months ago. And, just
for the record, I realize none of you old farts can remember whether
I’m makin anything up or not, but, either way, it is a profound
privilege to use the meager talents that God has given me, to try and
capture priceless and precious memories of a group that has become so
much more than friends, and are eloquent testimony to the long held
adage that, “We have to grow old but we NEVER have to grow up”!!!!
Here goes, Bassholes . . .
The 2017 Cast
Jimmy “Wayne Morehart
Bill “Buck” Ames
Jon
“Luther” Ellis
Denny “Knickerknocker” Nybakken
Max “Stink”
Scholfie;d
Mike “Banjo” Wood
Errol “Jake” Jensen
Wally
“Wallstreet” Brynarski
Dick “Mr Whipple” Pearson
Don “Freebie”
Freemyer (No longer a Rookie, but damn glad to have you back
Freeb!!!!!)
Noticeably MIA Gary “Pole/Flagman” Auten
Saturday, April 15, 2017
I’m awake at 2:00am, damn it, role over and back to sleep for
a few. Awake again at
4:01, toss and turn a bit more till alarm goes off at 4:30.
It immediately occurs to me that this year is gonna be way more
different as the Pole ain’t going.
Seems he had hang nail surgery or some shit several months ago
and still can’t walk. The
fat bastard never could move very fast but apparently now you have to
drive a stake in the ground next to him to determine if he’s actually
moving or not. So, out of
sympathy I immediately send a text to Banjo and Pole sayin, “Pole, you
about ready . . . oh, sorry, I’m an asshole” . . . this just in!!!!
It’s 50 degrees and light rain out.
Send another text just to Banjo asking if he’s up and ready.
No answer, Uh Oh.
Finally at 5:15 get a text from Banjo that he’s ready to roll.
Me and Ginners swing by his casa, load up everything and rollin
to the airport at 5:30. We
listen to all Banjo’s issues from yet another week from Hell at work
(Yo, Dude, there is a fix for that).
It’s an entirely uneventful trip, made much more
aromatically pleasant without the Pole, and we arrive at the airport
at 6:20. We breeze thru
bag check and TSA Pre-Check, a wonderful Republican/Conservative
invention. We’re at Gate 1
by 6:40. Just thinking
about past trips from this gate and remember that I got a message from
the Doo yesterday. Said he
was in France and
wished all the gang well.
He also sent his congrats on Buck’s new iPhone.
Thought about making a sinker out of the old flip phone but
don’t actually need that much weight for the whoppers I’m gonna
slay!!! At 7:10 go get a
coffee and newspaper and wait for the plane.
Buck is feeling real 21st Century with his
Boarding
Pass on his phone till
Banjo shows off with his on his iWatch.
Look at you Dick F#*king Tracy!!!!
At 7:40 we flash our technology and board with Group 3.
Plane is not near full and thankfully there is an open seat
tween us where the Pole would have fumbled several times for his
wallet when it comes time to pay for Bloody’s.
Gotta admit it’s way more quieter but damn if we can find the
Pole Nuts. At 8:06 we push
back, begin taxiing and wheel’s up at 8:16, a full 1 minute early.
At 8:45 I summon the Flight Nurse and order up 4 Bloody’s.
I coyly ask her if she takes cash.
She coyly responds, “I sure do, but United only takes Credit
Cards”. Easy Darlin, I’m
already spoke for. Banjo
offers up his credit card(apparently Mr Apple ain’t figured out how to
make that watch buy cocktails yet).
Holy Shit, it’s $31 for 4 Bloody’s.
Good thing Pole ain’t here!!!
After the drinks we both take naps since we can’t afford any
more cocktails. Banjo nods
off listening to Wayne’ crush, Allison Krause.
We touchdown in Denver at 9:00 MDT, 30 min early.
Lot’s more folks in Denver Airport
than there were in DTW. We
start talking about the day plan ahead since it will be real
different. Wayne will meet
us and we’ll go straight to Farmington to hit Sam’s Club today (since
it will be closed tomorrow on Easter).
We laugh that Wayne has tried every excuse he can think of
to avoid this trip. It is
obvious that he is concerned there will be too many Navajos at Sam’s
on a Saturday afternoon.
Banjo says, “Wayne may be the only Liberal Bigot I know”.
I tell him, “don’t kid yourself, they’re all Bigots but like
his Hero Nancy, they all try to hide behind the tree they’re huggin”.
I then send Wayne a text asking him to call Sam’s and ask them
to put up a sign sayin, “White Eyes Only Today”.
Pretty good eye candy in Stapleton today, actually one of the
better people watching spots I know of.
At 10:45 we Board.
United scanner had trouble reading my Phone, might have to send this
rock back to Apple. We are
delayed, waiting on Maintenance to come on Board and do whatever the
fuk it is they do. They
finally show up and an hour late we push back.
Text Jim and tell him he new ETA is12:51.
At 12:25 this Flight’s Nurse shows up and I ask her what kind
of Scotch she has. She
shows us Jack Daniel’s, Canadian Club, and then finally some kind of
Single Malt Glenfarclas. I
order 4 of them. The bad
news is she only has 2 but the great news is they’re free, due to the
delay. Damn fine scotch,
for the money and Banjo is soon drunk again.
It’s a beautiful, sunny day once we get close to
Durango
with lots of snow in the Mountains – a great site to behold!!!!
Starts to get damned rough close to landing at 12:51.
Jimmy Wayne is right there to meet us as always, looking older
and older every year. This
year is understandable with one house unsold and another soon to be
finished. We notice he is
bleeding from the elbow.
He must have fallen up the stairs again.
At 1:25 we leave the airport and head to Farminburg.
Man, been a long, long time since I’ve been on this back road
over to Hwy 550. At 2:20
we arrive at Sam’s and descend upon the task ahead.
Actually went pretty well and we’re back in the truck at 3:00.
We did notice lot’s of Navajos using the clean shitters at
Sams.
We head back to the Mudhouse to unpack the stuff
that needs to stay frozen.
We arrive there at 3:55, individually wrap the frozen biscuits (a
little trick we learned the hard way years ago), and put everything
else in the Freezer or Fridge.
We grab a cocktail for the road and stop by for first look at
the new Casa. It’s gonna
be WAY cool. Jim says it’s
scheduled for mid June completion . . . yeah right!!!!
A little interest in the Mudhouse but no offers yet.
Wayne
starting to get a little nervous about multiple home ownership.
Back at dealership at 4:24 and we run into Jeffi
and Jen looking for a new vehicle.
They look terrific as always.
Wayne gets me and Banjo a Suburban to drive
and we go next door to the Homewood Suites to check in.
Find that Wayne has already checked us in AND put at
handle of Famous Grouse in our room.
What a guy!!!
Thanks Jimmy Wayne. It is
a very nice place and we are very impressed.
Sunni soon meets us there and we then to Zia for dinner.
Me and Banjo all of a sudden have a HUGE tired on.
We struggle to stay awake thru dinner and we are back to the
room and lights out at 7:30, hey it’s 2 hours later on our body
clocks, and we’ve been up since 4, and plus We’re Old!!!!
Nite Nite
Sunday,
April 16, 2017
Happy Easter Sunday!!!!
Been many, many sleeps since I’ve spent an Easter Sunday in Durango . . . way too
many to count. After
crashing way too early last night it was not a restful night.
Remember waking at one point and thinking it must surely be
about time to get up and then looking at the clock and, to my horror,
it was 10:45 pm. OMG NO.
So began and endless string of tossing, turning, peeing, more
of the same, etc. Finally
at 6:30am Banjo gets up to pee so I get up and make some coffee.
Where the hell is Weeuh when you really need her????
Banjo then says some shit about something he did or didn’t do
with the phone system at work.
Sure hope he doesn’t need to go back to Motown today to feex.
Suppose he could call Pole and ask him to go fix it but since
phones don’t have moldings that fall off that probably won’t work
after all. He does finally
get on his iPad and is able to do something that he thinks will work.
Showers begin at 7:30.
Little after 8am we venture downstairs to sample the hot
breakfast that the Morning Wood offers.
We try everything they have to offer and agree that Wayne is gonna have to step up his game at the
Casa if he expects us to bring our business back there.
I send Banjo back to the room for whatever it is he’s gonna do
and I head off to the Durango Methodist Church for Easter Sunday
services. I am very happy
to see that the Church we were once members of has fared very well
since our departure. The
Church is absolutely packed for what is a very beautiful contemporary
service. The people in the
Congregation were very welcoming to a strange face.
I was also very impressed with the Minister.
His Sermon was excellent and I smiled knowing the Church is
alive and well. I also
prayed for all the Bassholes and the experience that again lies before
us this week.
Get back to the Hotel and pleased to find that
Banjo has updated my Computer and able to exorcise a whole bunch of
evil Spyware demons. At
11:45 we go to the Dealership as Wayne gave us the keys.
We go to our inventory, find the shit we shipped this year and
unpack all of it. We also
go through our LPLT inventory and adjust some things on the grocery
list. We also find the
Satellite Phone we have decided to invest in this year.
We have talked about doing this for several years as none of us
are getting any younger and we want to see if this is a good safety
net for us. Pretty damned
growed up thing to do, huh??
Banjo says it appears we got what he expected.
We call Wayne and report that all is well.
He tells us to come out to the Mudhouse mid afternoon.
We go to Wally World.
Banjo buys some new string and some weighted hooks.
He’s quite sure he doesn’t need any of it but just seems like
the thing to do. We head
back to the Hotel and watch some golf for awhile.
At 2:30 we head to the Mudhouse.
Reckon what Baboosh and Weeuh are gonna call the new money
pit??? We watch the Rockies and some more golf.
We present Wayne with a brand new bottle of Dalwhinnie
Scotch. I tell Wayne the
story about my great pal Rocky(RIP Dear Friend), his Son Ross, and the
toast we did with our Quail Hunting group that is so very similar to
the annual, gut wrenching tribute we do every year to honor and
remember Sparky and Jasper.
Me, Wayne,
and Banjo then enjoy a little Dalwhinnie on the rocks. Wayne makes us some nachos while we watch him
build us some burgers. We
watch some more Rockies and Tigers
while we begin getting shit faced, once again.
Some things just don’t, and never should, change!!!
Wayne grills up some
delicious stuffed burgers and we enjoy with beans and fresh fruit.
We soon head back to town only to find that our keys to the
room no longer work.
Wonder if Wayne
told em we are gonna be here another night??
He returns with new keys that work.
We have some chocolate chip cookies for dessert and say Nite
Nite at 8:30.
Monday,
April 17, 2017
Alarm goes off at 6:00 even without Luther
starting the generator.
Banjo says he only slept 3 hours last night.
At 7 we leave to go meet
Wayne at the Bakery.
While waiting I snarf down a Green Chile Croissant, one of the
greatest inventions of the civilized world!!
We see Rob, aka Captain Bullshit, and ask him how the downtown
location is working out.
What a bag of shit this guy is.
Hate to admit that he’s from Michigan.
Jim claims this may be the year they actually get the downtown
location opened. I tell
him I’m betting on the Big Brown Monkey jumping outta his ass first.
At 8 we head back to the Dealership.
Have I mentioned how much better this trip smells this year??
We fiddle fart around doing something.
At 9:15 me and Banjo go pick up an 8’ table that
Wayne
reserved from a rental place.
Since the HB place no longer has one we can borrow we’ll just
take our own so we can all dine together.
A really nice young lady named Jill charges us a whole $11, for
a one day rental even though she knows it will be may more.
So, you see, some times it actually does pay to know Jim
Morehart!!!! Just hope we
don’t have to wind up buying this table.
We then head to the Forest Service so Buck can buy a Senior
National Park Pass for $10.
We had earlier called Glen Canyon Rec Area and they confirm
that these passes will entitle us to park there and not have to pay
the $25 per vehicle fee that we’ve been paying in the past.
The Park Service Guy also gives us 3 Mirror Hangers we can use
to display the Passes while parked there.
We head back to the Dealership and fire up the
Satellite Phone. It seems
to be working just fine.
Hope we don’t actually have to use it and that’s it’s just a good
insurance policy. We call
Wallstreet and he is just getting to Flagstaff.
He is not bringing any booze and didn’t buy any beer so I tell
him I’ll get him a 12 pack.
Once again, hit the ball, drag Wally!!!
At 10:30 Banjo and I head to Star Liquor.
We see Stan and he breaks our nuts about losing to both Jew U
and the Hate last year. We
buy 2 handles of Vodka and an 18Pack for Community Booze.
Banjo and I decide to get Summer Shandy as our personal beer
this year.
Back to Dealership at 10:20 and there are Knocker
and Luther, already in uniform(shorts).
He wants me to make sure I get that into the recap for this
year. Hey, Luther, I’m the
one who decides what goes in the recap but we’ll see!!!
I get an email from Whipple that City Mkt is ready for us this
year. He claims that the
Mgr has some boxes for us and they do have Allegro Marinade.
Whipple you better be right or there will be hell to pay.
I’m sick of this shit of stopping at Albertsons to get vital
staples. We put beer on
ice for later and other beer in a cooler for Wayne’s vehicle tomorrow.
At 11:40 we go wash the Suburban.
Wayne takes Luther, Knock and Fred to see the
new casa.
At 12:30 the boys come back and Wayne starts
walking to Gaspacho’s . . .
that’s right I said he is walking there . . . Hey, don’t ask
me, I ain’t makin this shit up!!!!!!
He tells me to order him a Santa Rita.
However, in 10 minutes my phone rings and he wants to change
the order to a Taco Salad.
Rest of us finally head to Gaspacho’s and we meet Freebie there.
Good to see you Freeb and we’re thrilled you’re gonna make it
this year after too long away.
We order and tell the waiter, after Wayne shows up to bring all the rest of us our food and
then serve Wayne
a plate with a roll of toilet paper on it.
It works perfectly and he is dumbfounded.
He tries to recover by telling us some bullshit story about a
new bike that Jamie has.
He tells us this is a special bike because, according to him, “the
faster you peddle, the faster it goes”.
Yes, he actually said that.
Whatever will they think of next????
We assure him it’s only this way because DJT is now President.
Whipple presents me with a goodie bag.
It includes and American Flag, 2 bottles of Allegro, a Ska
Beer, a Nuggets coozie, and an Avs bag.
Thanks much Fred.
At least we won’t have to go to Albertson’s this year after all.
The food is esta bueno, although we all agree it seems to have
slipped a bit since last year.
But, we top it off with some Sopapillos and call it a good
lunch!!!
Back to the Dealership at 2:30.
Luther, me, and Banjo sit in
Wayne’s office and keep it in shape by doing
absolutely nothing. We
soon head to City Market.
In the store at 3:08 for the annual Clusterfuk.
Wayne and Luther don’t disappoint with their annual drivel
about “why do we need this”???
These dickwads will miss me when I’m gone!!!!
Stink meets up and we’re outta there at 3:48, a new record.
Whipple is like a Proud Dad and even gets some old blister to
produce some boxes after they tried to tell us they had run out.
Back to the Dealership and Jake and Wallstreet
arrive. Good to see them
both. We load up
everything and drink a couple cervezas.
Kiss all the boys good night and at 5:30 me,
Wayne, and Banjo head to Jeremie’s house.
There are a hot of young uns there and we all enjoy a few brews
and some corn hole. I note
that Jen has awkwardly handed off something to Banjo.
Don’t ask, don’t tell.
We drop Wayne off at Dealership and stop to get some
ice for tomorrow am beers.
Back to the Wood for Scotch and Cookies.
We watch Erika Jayne get booted off DWTS.
9pm Nite Nite.
Tuesday, April 18, 2017
Well, miracle of miracles, the
Sleep Meter has finally reached ZERO!!!!
I toss and turn till 4:30, when I get up to start the coffee.
Somehow Banjo has managed to lose the fishing license that he
claims he had out last night.
WTF???? I tell my
asshole, sorry Pal, but this is the last time before the sandpaper
starts. We pack up
everything, check out, and head to Dealership at 5:28.
46 degrees. At 5:30
Freeb arrives. RUSM???
He musta really missed us the last couple years.
At 5:45 Wayne is the last one to finally arrive.
We get everything hooked up and at 5:58 it’s Wheels Up.
There is a gorgeous sunrise at the top of Hesperus.
However, it’s a Red Sky in the Morning Day and we all know what
that means!!!! Oh Shit!!!
Forecast says it will be 84 degrees today with 20+ MPH winds by
Thursday, then nice again and a bit cooler on Friday.
At the Lewis Turnoff the time honored tradition is again
upheld. Miss ya Jasper and
Pole. It’s 7:01 and 43
degrees, perfect beer drinking weather . . . and I don’t even like
beer. Freeb soon announces
he has brought Pheasant Pate, Crackers, and
Champagne
. . . on purpose. WTF????
I start sneezing a bunch.
Sure hope I’m not allergic to beer.
We arrive Dove Creek at 7:25 and descend on Deb’s
Diner. Our girl, Brandy,
form the last couple years is MIA and some other old blister eats
Wayne’s ass out for not making reservations.
And, just to make her day, we compliment Deb on the “Love
Trump/Pence signs. Maybe
there is hope for Colorado after all.
However, we all agree that Dove Creek has about as much in
common with the rest of Colorado
as Wayne
does with a Hair Dryer. We
call Pole and tell him we placed his order first again.
He is missing us sumthin fierce!!!
Banjo is the last one served and is now doing his Pole
impression. The Cook tells
Freeb, “we were kinda looking for you boys next week”.
At least we have left a lasting impression on someone.
Rock Stars we are.
At 8:40 we head across the street to Conoco
station to gas up. They
are great folks and even give us a 5cents a gallon discount.
That Maverick place in
Monticello
really shit in their mess kit a couple years ago.
At 8:58 we’re burnin day light and rollin again.
Lot’s of snow on the La
Salles. Cross Utah line at 9:06 and 57
degrees. Not much snow on
the Blues but we see where Pole thinks the Antlers are.
Freeb is struggling with his beer until Buck produces the beer
sling. Tween that and a
long straw Freeb is gonna get slobberknockered.
Tin Building piss stop at 9:49 and Electric
Horseman tradition at 9:52.
Some things never get old – just better with time.
There is a virtual traffic jam today.
We’re damn near to the turn off and we’ve seen probably 10
other vehicles.
At 10:35 we hit the 46 Mile T/O.
Pisses and Pictures at 63degrees.
Rollin again at 10:40.
It’s getting warm – very good drinking weather.
We make an unplanned piss stop about 10 miles out and the other
boys roar past.
At 11:29 we arrive at Lauch and it’s 77 degrees.
Someone won a bet.
Who cares?? Max is
launched and off in 3 minutes.
Ginners is watching the Live Cam and sends text to see if we
are in a white vehicle. Wayne has called twice, once to get Max phone
out of Luther’s truck and once to see how much ice to buy.
Have no idea why he asked as I know he’s just gonna get what he
wants.
At 2:15 boys are back with the HB with erstwhile
Captain Knock at the controls.
We load up and head North.
Wind is up a bit and Ginners calls to tell us she thinks she
saw us at the dock. Max
and Banjo head out in scout boats, going to look in Moki.
Wayne
states that he wants to go on up to Hanson’s Creek and park so he can
get out and take a hike when he wants.
We take a quick secret vote and he loses 9-1.
Democracy in Action.
All is right with the world as Republicans are now solidly in
charge of everything and the Lib loses again.
At 3pm we get to
the mouth of Moki and head in the Canyon.
After about 10 minutes we finally see Banjo and Max on the
shore waving us into a spot.
It is a bit tight but Captain Knock has seen much worse than
this and we get parked and tied up.
Soon after Buckwheat’s are poured all around.
They won’t last long at this pace.
Some guys begin to work on their poles.
Wayne asks Stink to get his ready.
However, it seems that Wayne’s Pole has got the broke so he’s gonna
use Pole’s. This outta be
interesting. At 5:30 Buck
starts building burger patties.
Wayne is working on the green chiles and gonna do em with
some garlic just like at the world renowned Buckhorn Tavern in San Antonio, NM.
Wayne
then asks Stink if he has 2 poles ready for him and Stink replies to
the negative with appropriate disdain.
To which, Wayne
states that is imperative he have 2.
Stink advises that if you ever learn how to use 1 then maybe
we’ll think about 2. End
of discussion.
Wayne
then asks where the measuring cups are so he can make salad dressing.
Did Freebie ask you to say that Wayne??
RUSM???
At 6:45 we dine on some scrumptious Green Chile
Cheeseburgers, Salad, and Frijoles that Stink and Freeb collaborated
on. Thank you Ginners for
the Chocolate Chip Cookies for dessert.
Soon after it is observed that, while only 7pm, this group is
fading fast. Wallstreet,
Banjo, and Knock tackle the dishes.
Whipple pours his 4th Buckwheat.
In only his 2nd ever LPLT appearance he has proven
that he is much more than just a pretty faced Charmin Squeezer!!!
At 7:30 Luther heads to bed while Banjo prepares the front bunk
for Freeb. At 8pm Banjo
heads out to make a fire.
Shortly thereafter Wayne heads to bed, then Stink, then Buck.
As for anyone else, I Dunno!!!!
Nite Nite Bassholes, so glad to share another sleep wich ya.
Wednesday, April 19, 2017
Luther is up at 6:01 am to start
the generator and coffee pot.
Had to get up and pee 5 times last night.
Not my idea of a great night.
By 6:45 everyone is up.
The Coffee and Bailey’s is as good as we remember, especially
when chasing down Jeffi’s Crumb Cake and Monkey Bread.
Wayne states that musta been something wrong
with the Burgers and Green Chiles since they gave him a headache.
At 7:22 Stink’s boat takes off with Wayne and Banjo along to
give him a one pole lesson.
Wally is wanting to go fishing but can’t find his sunglasses.
We immediately put out an APB for them.
We are frantically searching when what Byler would describe as
the dumb, f#*kin Polack finds them . . . in his pocket.
Gotta love ya a bunch of Wallstreet.
At 7:40 Denny takes out Wallstreet (and his glasses) and Luther
in our rental boat. Buck,
Freeb, Jake, and Fred stay behind to guard camp.
Buck decides to make Bloodys.
He gets out all the fixin’s and then makes a big deal out of
getting the measuring spoons out for Freeb to see.
But, as well know Freeb has the attention span of a Burrito and
takes no never mind that Buck immediately threw em back in the drawer
and freeballed em the way they’re supposed to be done.
Buck asks Fred to whip up some Blue Cheese stuffed Olives but
go real slow so maybe Freeb can finally master how they’re
done. Buck also works on
shredding some cheese and prepping the chicken for tonight.
After finishing the Olives, Fred is now on Bathroom duty as
Wayne
told him he’s still the Rookie and as such has to clean the shitters
each day.
At 9:45 Stink’s boat back in.
Max caught 1, and Banjo 4, including one really nice
Largemouth. We get pics of
it and then release it.
What was the question???
Oh, you want to know how many Wayne caught??
WTF, are you new here????
We determine that we need a new XL Pitcher as somehow the one
we used to have has disappeared.
We also need a box of Kleenex.
Wayne
begins prepping the Omelet.
At 10:15 Cpt Knock back in.
They report they caught several keepers, Bass, Crappie, and
Walleye. They caught em
all in the end of the Canyon we are parked in and never even started
the big motor. Start
trying to cook hash browns on the Grill.
It won’t get hot enough so we try the one upstairs.
Naturally it won’t get hot enough either.
It’s all Wayne’s fault for making Luther get rid of his
gas stove and griddle.
Finally finish some hash browns on a skillet on the stove.
Despite the issues the Omelet is good as always.
At 12:30 Naps commence.
I happen to notice
Wayne
all by himself on the front deck. He claims he is setting with all his
friends in the Democrats Only section.
After naps there is a report that Buck may have snored a wee
bit. Jake said he had to
adjust his hearing aids.
Grace would knock his ass out for telling such fibs!!
Knock is cleaning fish on the front deck.
It’s starting to cool off a bit, to the point that I had to put
my sweats and sweatshirt on.
At 2:45 Banjo starts gathering firewood and Wayne
goes for a hike.
Wallstreet actually catches a small Walleye off the back of the HB.
Max is giving Fred a casting lesson also.
For some unbeknownst reason it reminded me of “Learn to Spell
with Darnell”. My favorite
was always the word, “urinate”.
It turns out we have a hose and sprayer built into the front of
the HB, apparently for cleaning one’s front paws before coming aboard.
Good thing Reggae didn’t know about that years ago or he mighta
drownded hisself. Banjo is
still gathering firewood.
Pole must be having sympathy pains back in the Mitten.
Someone wonders if it’s more fun having Pole here or just
making fun of him. After
some discussion I say I’m gonna tell him we voted . . . and he lost by
one. My beer cup on a
string and a long straw is definitely the MVP of the Trip for Freebie.
At 4:15 Stink, Fred, and Knock head out to fish.
They asked Buck to go but he had a previous appointment in 45
minutes with one beautiful Grouse.
At 5pm the Bar officially opens.
Jake, Wayne, and Luther fish for a bit but back by 6pm so
Wayne
can get some more Green Chiles ready. Jake
says he caught one Smallie but let it go to have babies.
Wayne says he let it go because it was a baby.
At 6:20 Stink boat back.
Fred caught 3, Max 2, and Knock 1.
Whipple asks Max if he needs any lessons and Stink replies that
he’ll give Fred a swimming lesson tomorrow.
Out of the blue Jake claims to see some lights come on.
The rest of us report they have been on for 20 minutes.
We conclude that Jake has chronic and various Lake Powell
maladies. They stated out
as Plastic Poisoning, progressed to Speaking in Tongues, and now Light
Hallucination. Wallstreet
takes a shower and consensus is that he smells real purty.
Reckon all those Sun City
honeys must be throwin themselves at him.
The time has finally come for Freeb to serve the Pate, along
with some Crackers and Pickles.
There is widespread indifference toward the accompanying magnum
of Champagne.
Buck tells Freeb that some Capers would enhance the flavor but
we think he is afraid to tell the Chef.
Reckon the Pheasant Pate will take it’s rightful place on the
LPLT Menu right alongside Turkey Tetrazzini and the 12 lbs of
Spaghetti that Fuzzy threw up years ago.
At 7:30 we are treated to Chicken Ore House, Red Sauce,
Lake Powell Casserole, and Salad.
The Grill worked way more gooder after Banjo feexed on it
following breakfast. At
8pm Banjo lights the shore fire.
It is a beautiful night, very calm, warm and clear.
Gotta admit we miss Pole a bit at fire time.
We head to top of HB to enjoy the fire along with some Port in
Chocolate Cups and Hershey Nuggets.
It is a very peaceful night and perfect for out annual,
emotional tribute to Sparky and Jasper.
We miss ya Brothers but you’re still sittin right here with us
tonight. 9:30 Nite Nite
Boys.
Thursday, April 20, 2117
Generator fires to life at 5:56.
Pretty nice night last night with virtually no wind(ALWAYS a
bonus at Lake
Powell).
Whipple has nose bleed for 2nd day in a row.
Obviously too many Buckwheat’s as we are about out of Tonic.
At 6:53 Buck, Luther, and Stink head out to fish.
Buck uses new, fancy iPhone to video the ride out of Moki.
It is a beautiful still am with no waves and one of those days
when you can see the reflection of the Canyon walls on the water.
Am praying that Mr Apple has made this video process idiot
proof so I get some good footage.
We head up the lake to Crystal Springs.
Buck gives the boys a quick lesson by catching the first fish,
a monster Crappie at 7:22.
Now everyone is going to want to switch to a drop shot rig with the
KVD Dream Shot Worm. In
the first hour we put 2 Crappie, a Walleye, and a Smallie in the live
well. Then it slows down
and we catch only a couple snaggle tooth Stripers, so we pull anchor
and head to Hanson’s Creek.
We catch several more with the total for the am session:
Buck 5, Stink 12, and Luther about 20 but none big enough to
keep. Of note, one Smallie
was actually caught by both Stink and Luther, Jon had the head and Max
the tail, but they both claimed it as their catch.
As we come out of Hanson’s Creek I get a cell
signal and call Ginners.
It’s always good to know that everything is fine at home.
We get back to camp at 11:15.
We share some pics of our successful catch.
We then hear a report about Banjo falling ass first in the lake
out of Jake’s boat.
Apparently he was trying to get a snag unstuck and forgot to let go at
the proper time. Further
report is that Jimmy Wayne saved his life and is asking Stink to add
him as the Beneficiary to Banjo’s multi million $$ Apple Savings
account. Banjo
reports a sore shoulder and a severely bruised ego and swears that he
was not trying to replicate the Famous Freebie Dive down south years
ago.
We dine on the always scrumptious Miss Grace
Breakfast Burritos. They
are as wonderful as ever and thank you mucho Grace and Jake.
At 11:45 Wayne, Stink, and Banjo
leave to go to Hall’s for more Tonic Water and to check the Satellite
Phone as we haven’t been able to get a good signal.
Wally is doing the dishes.
Naps begin at Noon.
At about 1pm the boys are back from Hall’s.
They bought 15 10 oz
bottles of Tonic Water for $1.25 each.
In other words they spent almost $20 for what we would have
gotten for less than $5 at City Market.
It’s obvious Wayne is going to have to levy a fine on
Whipple for extremely poor Grocery Store planning.
At 1:30 Stink takes Knock and Jake out to fish.
At 3:15 Banjo takes Wally and Fred out.
For the 3rd time this trip Wally can’t find his
sunglasses. Think we’re
going to have to bring along one of the old “Clapper” systems for the
old fart’s glasses. I loan
him a pair but make him promise to bring them back.
Starting to get a little breezy and definitely cooling down.
At 3:50 Stink boat back in with no fish and wind
and clouds building.
Wayne
says the folks at the overpriced Tonic store at Hall’s told them the
forecast was for strong winds this afternoon and night.
At 5pm the other boat back in, reporting Knock caught 2.
Cocktail hour officially commences.
Wayne
begins trying to collect from Whipple for the new Tonic Water.
Banjo suggests we hold a Telethon.
Stay tuned.
At 6 pm we munch on Bruschetta on Olive Bread.
If word gets out about this incredible combination Jeffi might
make a fortune. We’ve just
got to figure out a way to play Hide the Weenie with Rod on this one
though. At 7:15 we dine on
the annual offering of Posole, Frijoles, Green Chile, and Tortillas.
Great job as always Stink!!!!
After dinner Banjo sets and enormous log on the firepit.
It provides an epic fire.
We sit on the front deck of the HB to enjoy the fire, and some
Port and Chocolate. It is
definitely cooler and breezy.
Nite Nite at 9pm with numerous requests to Luther for a sleep
in tomorrow.
Friday,
April 21, 2017
Generator fires to life at 6:19 – so much
for sleeping in. Coffee,
Baileys, Crumb Cake, and Monkey Bread for me and my men for tonight
we’re probably gonna get f’ked up again.
We may have actually overbought on the Crumb Cake this year but
that’s OK as Bread needs the money.
It was a rough nite on top.
The HB was blown around considerably and kept bumping into
something, creating very unsettling noises.
The ropes are very loose this am.
At 7am and 54 degrees, Captain Knock is the last one up.
We survey the situation and determine that the HB moved about 2
feet sideways last night.
We tighten all the ropes and hope that the winds will die back down.
At 7:45 Stink takes Banjo and Knock out.
They say they are heading to
Knowles
Canyon.
Could be a much frio ride amigos.
Buck makes a new batch of Blood Bull’s while Wayne gives birth to
another Democrat. Then he
and Luther play that stupid game, 15-2, 15-4, 15-6, and a run is
somethin, and Screw Your Sister, or whatever.
Truly stupid game.
At 9am Buck finishes prepping the chicken for
grilling(for sandwiches tomorrow), and the Buckloin appetizer for
tonight. The marinade for
the chicken is a masterpiece that will likely never be repeated.
It includes, among other things:
Olive Oil, Lemon Juice, Balsamic Vinegar, Olive Juice (Dirt),
Essence, Lime Juice, and Green Salsa.
Hey, you can’t make up shit like this.
Jake, Fred, and Wally head out fishing and, miracle of
miracles, Wally actually has HIS sunglasses.
It’s still not very warm and the wind has not died down.
We like the spot we are parked but only problem is we don’t get
much sun shine though the days due to the high and tight Canyon walls
here. Jake’s boat is back
in no more than 15 minutes.
It’s simply too cold and windy at end of our canyon.
More Cribbage, reading, farting, lying, etc commence.
Freeb decides to try the Hemp Vodka that Luther bought.
Freeb reports that he actually likes the cocktail but has no
idea what the Vodka tastes like and we all agree that it would be
impossible to measure any effect on him, given what he has done to his
system the last few days.
His range of motion made be limited, but his intake capacity has not
been diminished in the least.
Good on ya Freeb!!!
Buck decides to take his fishing stuff apart.
5 fish caught in one episode is plenty for me.
At 10:25 Jake’s boat and boys decide they’re gonna try
it again for an hour or so.
It has gotten nicer out but still not warming up much.
At 10:50 Buck begins browning the sausage for gravy and
pre-heating oven for biscuits.
Wayne
is cracking eggs to scramble and Freeb is asleep . . . but no idea if
the Hemp Vodka is at fault or not.
At 11:10 Stink boat back and report is that Banjo caught the
only fish dumb enough to bite in these frigid conditions.
At 11:45 we dive into Biscuits and Gravy,
Scrambled Eggs, and Hash Browns.
Stink says it’s the best breakfast he ever ate.
Obviously he doesn’t want to have to prepare breakfast in the
future. By the time we
finish breakfast it’s beautiful outside.
Naps ensue at 12:45.
After naps, it’s very nice and Max and Jake load
up Freeb to take him out for what may very well be his last fishing
excursion. His body is not
going to allow him to fish but it’s not going to preclude him from
having the time of his life, doing what he truly loves at the place he
truly loves. None of us
wants to admit to the lump in our throats as we watch them “fly away”
around the corner and off to the honey hole.
God Bless You Max!!!!
They are actually back pretty quickly and at 2:30 Jake, Fred,
and Knock take off to fish.
Max loads up Wayne and Banjo and
says they’re not coming back till
Wayne
catches a fish. Been nice
knowin ya Stink. At 3pm,
Buck, Wally, Luther, and Freeb head up top to read and enjoy the sun.
\By 4pm
. . . THIS JUST IN
. . . Stink boat back in reporting that Wayne actually caught a
fish and Stink’s reputation is still intact.
Stink starts cleaning fish using the HB slide as his filet
board. After cleaning fish
Max sees a Smallie guarding a bed.
Since Wallstreet is already fishing off the back, Stink
instructs Wally on how to catch him.
It takes about 20 casts but Wallstreet finally hooks him and we
all share a laugh and a Bronx cheer.
At 5pm the other boat is back in and reports that Knock caught
a few.
Everyone soon congregates on front of HB for
cocktails and laughs. Jake is
preparing his world famous Tarter Sauce without assistance from his
long time helper Pole. But
Jake is following the recipe religiously, especially the parts about
when to have a Buckwheat.
At 5:45 we start the Buckloin and by 6:15 the
boys are diving into it.
Buck makes a cocktail for Wayne . . . let the Peter’in begin!!
It is turning into a gorgeous night as Knock starts frying
fish. We also prepare a
salad and warm up some leftovers.
We share great food, good music, and even better stories.
At 8pm we dine on the Last Supper, a terrific fish fry.
We also start listening to a new Lewis Black CD and it is
hysterical. After dinner
we clean up and head up top for one last time.
More fire, Port, Chocolate, and Lewis Black.
It’s truly a gorgeous night.
Nite Nite at 9:30
Saturday, April 22, 2017
The most dreaded day of the year
begins at 6:01 with the generator on.
It was actually a pretty nice night but still cooler than we
would have preferred.
Coffee and Crumb Cake all around.
BTW, have I ever mentioned how good coffee is with ample
amounts of Bailey’s??? We
all begin the process of packing our stuff and prepping everything on
the boat for the trip home.
It is quite amazing how efficient this group of old farts are
as everyone just goes about doing what needs to be done.
At 7:18 we begin the process of untying the HB.
Very unfortunately the end of one of the ropes tied around a HB
cleat has fallen in the water and gets wrapped around the prop on the
right motor. Banjo and
Max, the trip youngster’s tilt the motor and begin the very difficult
job of getting it loose.
They successfully avoid all the suggestions involving knives from us
other helpless twits.
Wally comments that we need to bring some younger guys on this trip to
deal with calamities such as this.
I’m afraid it’s a little late for that Wallstreet, although we
might want to interview for a Sunglasses Caddy.
By 7:25 the boys have the rope mess undone and we
are full throttle out of Moki, headed to the Hall’s Ramp.
Buck tackles the job of sandwich prep and Wally helps bag them.
At 8am we get to a cell signal spot and everyone checks
messages. Thank God no bad
news reported from home.
We reach the Hall’s Dock at 8:30 and unload.
HB takes off for Bullfrog at 8:54 and we load everything into
vehicles. Stink boat back
at 10:14 and report everything checked out perfectly with HB.
At 10:37 and 64 degrees, we are rollin back to Durango.
At 11:25 we stop at the turnoff and didn’t think Banjo’s teenie
bladder was gonna make it.
We cross Cedar Mesa at 11:41 and it’s down to 53 degrees.
Right after Comb’s Wash we pass a dozen or
more classic cars headed west.
Reckon where there’s gonna be a Classic Car Show at Lake Powell???
We hit Dove Creek at 1pm and back to Durango at 2:38.
After unloading and repacking everything in our Inventory spot,
it’s hugs and kisses all around and promises of “see ya next year”,
which we seriously mean but never take for granted.
However, the food, booze, laughter, frivolity, and camaraderie
have been nothing short of spectacular.
We seriously missed Pole, Ponch, Reggae, Doo, Deuce, et al but,
Lake Powell, we love you and we realize just how blessed we have all
been to have gotten to know you – and each other – over these last 41,
YES, COUNT EM, FORTY ONE-DERFUL
YEARS!!!!!! Until we
meet again Bassholes. . . Via Con Dias Mi Amigos!!!!
2017 LPLT Epilogue Summary, Observations, and Lessons Learned
OK, first up, here are the Official Lake Powell Luxury Tours Houseboat
Rules:
·
Block Ice is strictly for Beer Coolers and Cubed Ice EXCLUSIVELY for
Cocktail Ice, NO EXCEPTIONS
·
Never listen to Wallstreet when he claims the Shitter is FULL.
Make him get his autograph model stick and push it down the
drain
·
Never, EVER, listen to Wayne
when he wants to cut back on ANYTHING, Again NO EXCEPTIONS
·
And finally: 1) never
trust a fart, 2) never pass up a chance to pee, and 3) never waste a
“you know”
The Chocolate Cups for Port continue to be a hit.
And, thank God, Wayne
has gotten a little more accurate in his pouring technique so we
didn’t leave nearly as much on the upstairs table and chairs.
On future trips we MUST make sure the loose ends of the tie up ropes
at the rear of the HB are not allowed in the water.
We don’t need a repeat of the prop untying shenanigans.
The folding table we took along was a great idea.
However, the 8 footer was too long.
A 6 foot one would be perfect and we might want to look at
Sam’s or Wally World to buy a cheap one and add it to our inventory.
We also need to bring back the gas stove as cooking Hashbrowns
was a clusterf’k. Also,
Wayne
needs to secure a new fishing pole as he obviously broke his and had
to use Pole’s. No telling
how many bad tricks he taught it.
Was great to have Freeb back this year and Buckwheat’s cold cup on a
string was voted the 2017 MVP.
On a serious note, the care and compassion for one of our great
pals was exemplary and very touching.
Mr Whipple, has once again won the Buckwheat Consumption Crown.
However, he’s gonna have to do a much better job of Tonic
Planning in the future. We
simply can’t afford that shit at Hall’s.
Otherwise, well done, Fred!!!
While the addition of a Satellite Phone, for peace of mind and
security, was a great thought, it simply didn’t work due to lack of
signal. Either they’re
gonna have to add a gazillion more satellites or we shit can this
idea.
The Fish Fry was a huge success on Friday night and the Lake Powell
Tartar Sauce was also the best ever.
Obviously Jake doesn’t need any help from the Pole in
preparation and he didn’t even suffer any plastic poisoning.
Actually the 2 Fishing Boats worked out very well and it’s definitely
not worth $500 for another one.
Nice call Wayne, you cheap prick.
Basic menu still works great.
Olive Bread for Brushcetta was a very good solution.
Moki continues to be the destination of choice for its beauty and
convenience.
Sending Mr Whipple the grocery list in advance, to have him put aisle
numbers on the City Market items works perfectly.
Banjo, don’t know why you didn’t come up with that idea years
ago.
We definitely need at least 3 Half Gallons of Premium Vodka and 3 of
Famous Grouse next year.
One XLG Cranberry Juice just about right.
We did seriously run out of Tonic Water and we’ll have to do
some ciphering on this for 2018.
And, a huge thanks, as always, to Luther for the Famous Grouse,
Bailey’s, Chocolates, and all the countless other extra stuff he
always brings!!.
The individual sandwich bags for keeping the biscuits from all
freezing together is brilliant!!!
So, boys, there you have it. Now, wasn't it worth waiting for?
This trip is always spectacular but when any of our pals are missing
they do leave a hole that’s never adequately filled.
‘Mon back boys!!!!! Bottom
line, we are all truly blessed to have reasonably good health,
wonderful families, and despite our advancing age, be at a place in
our lives where we can truly enjoy each other's company. It is
almost beyond comprehension that a group of guys can continue doing
something we love so much for so long, do it so well, without major
problems (other than questionable footwear, overpriced eyewear, and
endless flatulence), and still want to come back for more year after
year. The almost spiritual beauty of
Lake
Powell is exceeded only by
the boundless joy of good friends and life long friendships!!!
Stay Healthy mi Amigos!!!!
See you in 2018 for Number 42, God willing!!!!!!
Thank the good Lord for our manifold blessings and Watch that
First Step!!!!!!!
Love, Buck
